Handshaking Compulsory in NL?

A recent article caught my eye about a teacher here in the Netherlands who faced losing her job because she decided, for religious reasons, that she didn’t want to shake hands with men anymore.  Here is the article from DutchNews.nl:

A school in Utrecht was within its rights to sack a female teacher who refused to shake hands with men because of her religion, the civil service appeal board ruled on Monday.

Although the equal opportunities commission had found in the woman’s favour, the civil court in Utrecht ruled in favour of the school, prompting her to appeal.

Samira Dahri had taught at the school for several years before deciding she no longer wanted to shake hands with men.

Trouw
reports that the board ruled the school was right to sack her for two reasons. Firstly, the school, with a large proportion of immigrant pupils, is supposed to ready students for the Dutch labour market – and that includes shaking hands.

And secondly, the teacher’s position as a role model and school representative is more important than protecting her against discrimination on the grounds of her religion, Trouw said.

As an expat I’ve often come across Dutch traditions and cultural differences that I’ve had to adapt to, but I’ve not had any issues in regards to religious practices.  I am non-religious so it’s never been an issue.  I wonder how I’d feel if I did have certain deep seeded religious beliefs that didn’t blend in with Dutch society.  Would I give them up to fit in?  Should I be expected to?  I’m not sure.

On the one hand, I don’t understand why the woman was fine for years and then suddenly decided she didn’t want to anymore.  Had she brought this up during the hiring process, maybe the outcome would have been different.  She didn’t seem to have a problem with it in previous years, what would change to make her feel so strongly about it now?

They claim that she is a role model and should be preparing the children for the Dutch labour market where shaking hands is common, but shouldn’t the children also be taught to have tolerance for those who are different and have different beliefs than they do?

I don’t know, I’m torn between the feeling that people have a right to follow their own beliefs and stay within their own comfort zones, and the feeling that there is a certain responsibility for us to adapt and fit in.   Then there is the whole religion vs state thing.

Personally, I don’t mind handshakes, even though I’m sure some Dutch men are hellbent on breaking my fingers.  One thing I would love to do away with is the three kisses.   I’m really not comfortable with that and there is always an awkward standoff with people, where we are figuring out if we go for the three kisses or if a handshake would do.  In 99% of cases for me, a handshake is definitely enough.

So what do you think?  Should this lady have a right to do what she feels comfortable with in regards to her religion, or as a public servant in the Netherlands, should she be forced to put that aside and follow their customs?

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10 comments

  1. The funny thing about this having to shake almost everyone’s hands in the Netherlands, when you meet them or specially when the ex-bf and I used to go to parties….I detested it. I just didn’t quite understand the purpose of all this handshaking to say hello, thank you, goodbye….

    But the funny thing is, I have brought back this custom with me here in the US — unknowingly! I catch myself giving my hand out to people for whatever purpose. :T

  2. Ack I have developed a phobia since moving here. I can not stand the 3 kisses..it’s way to personal and close and it drives me nuts. I shake hands and leave it at that. My mother in law and I hug eachother now wich is something she had never done until she met me.
    I think it’s hard to answer though. I mean I don’t want to do the 3 kisses so I don’t. However if someone goes ahead and starts planting them on me then I will of course do it aswell. I just dont make the move to do so..lol I don’t mean it offensive when I don’t do it and there are certain family members who would be offended if I didn’t..so I can comply aswell but if I don’t have to then I won’t.

    I have to say that my husband thought it was so odd that a muslim woman did shake his hand during our meeting about taking dutch lessons. He told me later that he fully expected her not to do so wich is why he never extended his hand, he waited a moment and she did it first. So maybe thats her way of complying with how it is here even if she didn’t agree with it.

    Maybe the teacher decided she didnt want to do it anymore. I don’t know. Since I don’t like doing it myself and I can see how she would feel then why can’t she just not do it? but then again like you said you have to do certain things to adapt and fit in.

    Sonyas last blog post… No Bake Cookies

    • I have the same problem. When strangers try to do the 3 kiss with me my first instinct is to sort of back off and then I go ahead with it. Obviously they can tell I didn’t want to hehe I don’t want to offend them but it just makes me want to scream “PERSONAL SPACE!!!”

  3. I like shaking hands, but I’ve heard of cases where people have developed sudden-onset and extremely severe cases of germ phobias. Makes me wonder if this played into it at all and just didn’t come out.

    The thing I don’t get is the statement about it only being with men. I can’t figure out if this was said because she was still fine with shaking hands with women (negates my germophobe theory) or if women shaking hands just doesn’t happen there. Do women greet each other differently?

    kapgars last blog post… You’ll find love again, I know…

    • I believe that the reason for it being men only was that she is Muslim (but don’t quote me on that) and women shaking hands with men is not the norm. It was religious reasons anyway. I assume she was ok with shaking hands with women.

  4. When in Rome do as the Romans.

    Tolerance should be a two way street, but in practice it’s only a one way.

  5. The 3 kisses is obligatory in the south of France (other areas have different count, 2 in Paris, 4 in certain northern parts). It comes with a whole etiquette, which is v. complicated, do I kiss, or do I shake hands..
    – Relative = Kiss
    – Friends (Male + Female) = Kiss
    – Friends (Female + Female) = Kiss
    – V. close Friends & Birthdays, (regardless of gender) = Kiss
    – Colleagues (Male + Female) = Kiss (depending on hierarchy)
    And then it’s how well you know people, some parents of friends you kiss, others you don’t. (so you shake hands)
    Age difference is also a factor, it’s definatly complicated, and it creates awkward situations..

    I see no harm in shaking hands though…

    • Ok, well I don’t feel so bad now being confused by it. You grew up in Holland and France and if YOU are even confused by it then no wonder the rest of us are too hehe

      I don’t mind doing the 3 kiss thing with people I know well, but when I just meet the bf of a new friend, or a colleague of Xander’s. Umm… no.

      • Maybe it is time for Brussels to come up with a standard for this kind of thing. How many kisses for whom, what the threshold is for switching to kisses from hand shakes. Also I would like to see some regulations with regards to hugs and other invasions of private space.

        Xanders last blog post… RobotC Tutorial

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