Comments on: Handshaking Compulsory in NL?

By: mj

mj — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 02:09:08 +0000

The funny thing about this having to shake almost everyone’s hands in the Netherlands, when you meet them or specially when the ex-bf and I used to go to parties….I detested it. I just didn’t quite understand the purpose of all this handshaking to say hello, thank you, goodbye….

But the funny thing is, I have brought back this custom with me here in the US — unknowingly! I catch myself giving my hand out to people for whatever purpose. :T

By: Double Standards Much? : Canadutch

Double Standards Much? : Canadutch — Sat, 16 May 2009 07:18:27 +0000

[...] so yesterday I wrote about a teacher who was canned from her job because she decided she didn’t want to shake hands with men anymore. Apparently, she made this [...]

By: Xander

Xander — Fri, 15 May 2009 08:01:20 +0000

Maybe it is time for Brussels to come up with a standard for this kind of thing. How many kisses for whom, what the threshold is for switching to kisses from hand shakes. Also I would like to see some regulations with regards to hugs and other invasions of private space. Xanders last blog post... RobotC Tutorial

By: Breigh

Breigh — Fri, 15 May 2009 07:03:20 +0000

Ok, well I don’t feel so bad now being confused by it. You grew up in Holland and France and if YOU are even confused by it then no wonder the rest of us are too hehe

I don’t mind doing the 3 kiss thing with people I know well, but when I just meet the bf of a new friend, or a colleague of Xander’s. Umm… no.

By: Breigh

Breigh — Thu, 14 May 2009 20:10:32 +0000

I have the same problem. When strangers try to do the 3 kiss with me my first instinct is to sort of back off and then I go ahead with it. Obviously they can tell I didn’t want to hehe I don’t want to offend them but it just makes me want to scream “PERSONAL SPACE!!!”

By: Sonya

Sonya — Thu, 14 May 2009 18:33:56 +0000

Ack I have developed a phobia since moving here. I can not stand the 3 kisses..it's way to personal and close and it drives me nuts. I shake hands and leave it at that. My mother in law and I hug eachother now wich is something she had never done until she met me. I think it's hard to answer though. I mean I don't want to do the 3 kisses so I don't. However if someone goes ahead and starts planting them on me then I will of course do it aswell. I just dont make the move to do so..lol I don't mean it offensive when I don't do it and there are certain family members who would be offended if I didn't..so I can comply aswell but if I don't have to then I won't. I have to say that my husband thought it was so odd that a muslim woman did shake his hand during our meeting about taking dutch lessons. He told me later that he fully expected her not to do so wich is why he never extended his hand, he waited a moment and she did it first. So maybe thats her way of complying with how it is here even if she didn't agree with it. Maybe the teacher decided she didnt want to do it anymore. I don't know. Since I don't like doing it myself and I can see how she would feel then why can't she just not do it? but then again like you said you have to do certain things to adapt and fit in. Sonyas last blog post... No Bake Cookies

By: Breigh

Breigh — Thu, 14 May 2009 16:02:02 +0000

I believe that the reason for it being men only was that she is Muslim (but don’t quote me on that) and women shaking hands with men is not the norm. It was religious reasons anyway. I assume she was ok with shaking hands with women.

By: kapgar

kapgar — Thu, 14 May 2009 14:52:45 +0000

I like shaking hands, but I've heard of cases where people have developed sudden-onset and extremely severe cases of germ phobias. Makes me wonder if this played into it at all and just didn't come out. The thing I don't get is the statement about it only being with men. I can't figure out if this was said because she was still fine with shaking hands with women (negates my germophobe theory) or if women shaking hands just doesn't happen there. Do women greet each other differently? kapgars last blog post... You'll find love again, I know...

By: Ton

Ton — Thu, 14 May 2009 13:21:59 +0000

When in Rome do as the Romans.

Tolerance should be a two way street, but in practice it’s only a one way.

By: Max

Max — Thu, 14 May 2009 11:09:27 +0000

The 3 kisses is obligatory in the south of France (other areas have different count, 2 in Paris, 4 in certain northern parts). It comes with a whole etiquette, which is v. complicated, do I kiss, or do I shake hands..
- Relative = Kiss
- Friends (Male + Female) = Kiss
- Friends (Female + Female) = Kiss
- V. close Friends & Birthdays, (regardless of gender) = Kiss
- Colleagues (Male + Female) = Kiss (depending on hierarchy)
And then it’s how well you know people, some parents of friends you kiss, others you don’t. (so you shake hands)
Age difference is also a factor, it’s definatly complicated, and it creates awkward situations..

I see no harm in shaking hands though…