I Talk Too Little

Or, talk about my life in the Netherlands to little, according to my second blog review that just came in from Avitable at IT2M, owwie!

I’m braindead and can’t figure out how the heck to get a link to my specific review so I’ll quote it here, even though it pains me to do so.

Can you imagine if Dorothy Gale kept a blog when she was in Oz?  What if, instead of discussing the talking scarecrow and cowardly lion, she spent her time talking about her outfit, her dog, and how fat she was getting?

That’s what Canadutch feels like to me.  If you’re going to make the title of your blog Canadutch, the description “A Canadian Girl in The Netherlands”, and use your about me to discuss a new language, culture shock, and your struggle to adapt, why is your blog so fucking mundane?

It started out two years ago exactly as you described, but now it’s blah blah, blog traffic, blah blah I’m fat blah blah snore.

I have a serious issue with people who spend half of their time posting about getting traffic to their sites, pimping renters or other stupid shit like that.  Why is traffic so important to you?  If you have an interesting blog and if you communicate with other people who have interesting blogs, you will gain an audience of people who actually enjoy your blog, not a bunch of random morons who are clicking in their desperate attempt to get more credits.  It’s frakkin’ pathetic.

OW OW OW OW!!!  It hurts it hurts! *Rubs bum that is incredibly sore from the ass-kicking*

Some points I agree on and others I don’t.

I won’t apologize for writing about my weight struggles because that is something that is a major soft spot for me at the moment.  It is a direct result of a quite serious depression triggered but the culture shock and lonliness of moving here, and has in turn made life even more difficult after a long fight with infertility.  I write about it here to keep other people I’ve met online who are dieting up to date, and as a way to keep track of it myself.

What I do agree on fully is the whole blog traffic thing.  Not that I am necessarily obsessed with getting people to my blog, that’s not really my motivation for getting so deeply involved in sites like Blogexplosion, Blogmad and so on.

It’s no secret that I live a relatively lonely life here in the Netherlands.   I have a few friends but no truly close friends like I had back in Canada.  I don’t get out much and sadly, the bulk of my connections are online.   After years of escaping into the world of gaming, with Ultima Online, Dark Age of Camelot, Star Wars Galaxies and World of Warcraft… a few months ago I quit gaming cold turkey and I’ve found myself sort of lost.

It has made me more active and caused me to get out more, not being at the computer gaming all the time, but I still crave the interaction and online social circle.  When I found these blog traffic sites I enjoyed getting to know people through their blogs and them getting to know me.   Granted, the bulk of these sites are just people giving 20 second clicks, but there are others who aren’t that I chat with regularly, and they are the ones that have kept me coming around to these sites and getting involved in them.

There are some aspects of it that I don’t enjoy and had planned to dump anyway, and avitable was quite right about that.  Pimping renters, for example… I don’t enjoy it.   I find that I have to wait and wait until a blog comes up that I’d actually want to say anything about and then it seems like I just finish posting about one and the week is up and I have to post about another.   If it was montly, I may continue but I just find it too much to be doing this weekly.  I agree with Avi 100% that the rental thing has got to go (plus I won’t mind having it gone from my sidebar).

He is also right that I haven’t been writing about life in the Netherlands that much lately and there is a very simple reason for that.  It’s depressing.   My life is not at all what I imagined it would be and I suffer terribly with depression.  Not just due to the culture shock, lonliness and missing my family… but also because of recent issues like infertility and other medical problems that have come to light.

For the last few months (since May) I have been on anti-depressants.  After a horrible winter I’ve been trying to claw myself back to something that resembles something that a normal human being could call a life.  It’s not perfect but I’m getting there… and that’s a major reason why I haven’t been writing so much about the ‘Canadian in the Netherlands’ aspect of life, because I’m still trying to learn to love it.  After seven years it almost feel like an impossible feat.

When I write about it I tend to lean towards the negative, the struggles and heartaches I experience daily.   This makes it more difficult for me to keep myself positive.  If I had more positive experiences here I’d write about them, but in all honesty, I rarely do.

Also, it gets hard to bare your soul like that.  At first I didn’t mind but after a while the comments start.   People who have never been in my situation or who are simply different people with different abilities to cope who feel that since they are able to enjoy life here, that there’s no reason why I shouldn’t be able to as well.

Anyhow, all in all I wish there had been a little bit more good about my site in this review, but what can ya do.  I’ll just have to take my knocks and learn from it.

Perhaps it’s time to start getting honest again about life, the things that are going on with me as far as how I’m coping with life here, my medical issues and so on… when I’m ready, I will.  For now I prefer to just keep it light though.

Oh well, at least the folks at Ask and Ye Shall Recieve liked me!  I think I’ll go read that review a few (hundred) times and lick my wounds.

Check Also

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This was the cover of a calendar that my mom sent me for Christmas last year. I was sort of bummed when I took it down because it was really cute and funny. My mom knows me so well…

20 comments

  1. My review there wasn’t much better, they attacked my design abilities. Yet, my blog was in the NY Times two weeks ago so I’m not hurting ;) Hopefully you’ll have the same turn around.

  2. oh dear *hugs* just dont think too much about things that makes you depress or lonely. You can get over it, just hold on and trust ok? *hugs*

  3. I’m a subscriber and come here often. There is that. FWIW.

  4. I’m sorry to hear you’re having such a hard time in Holland. I’ve been there often in the 90’s and always enjoyed it, but then I was only there on weekends. There’s always a bright side, and I hope you find it in the Netherlands. At least you can be glad you are not living in Germany! (the country I love to hate).

  5. Hey Breigh

    Just popped in to have a nose round after we both got smacked in the same review.

    Anyhoo, I actually quite like your writing and will be back. Whilst I can’t comprehend the anti-depressants myself, I can empathise the struggle. My wife’s been on many many varieties over the last two years and still nothing is working for her.

    Good luck for the future.

    (boring) Collin

  6. Thanks all :) It’s nice to get some positive feedback.

    After sleeping on it, I sort of appreciate the kick in the ass from Avi. I do feel that I’ve forgotten why I started this blog in the first place. It was for me and a place to talk about what was going on in my life.

    Somehow, it became another place where I avoided that in favor of ‘fluff’ like I did when I was gaming. I’d like to get back to what is real.

    It sucked, but I appreciate it now.

  7. I think a lot more people really truly love reading your blog than dislike it. This is the opinion of one guy, and it’s obvious that a lot of people, in fact I’d say most, disagree with him. Don’t let it get to you. :)

  8. Hey Breigh – ignore all the bitches at IT2M. It’s their job to be… bitchy! I, like Mr Fabulous, think your blog is cool and although I haven’t commented before, I’m often reading. I’m really sorry to read of your depression and am wishing all good things for you.

    Best wishes from a (soon to be ex)25peeps compatriot :)

  9. I love your site and your content just the way it is!!

  10. Hey, you could be a younger sister, we have a lot in common, the weight issues, quitting gaming cold turkey, anti-depressants, etc. LOL

    Your blog is awesome. You just go ahead and blog about what you want. Don’t let one person’s opinion skew your whole outlook.

    I know how it can be. We also share a sensitivity to criticism.

    No worries. You and your blog are fabulously entertaining!

  11. ok, u do make a valid point….the reason I have it there is for my own sake…

    It kinda always fits my mood…kinda like when u wear sweatpanst when u feel fat and lazy…

    I will take this all into condiration. I will ask my readers if they would prefer me to turn it off, again, i only have it there so I can hear it..

    I am at my blog alot durring the day, i get paid to be there oddly enough…
    ;)

  12. I can’t imagine being in your situation, so I won’t say that I understand or offer any advice that I don’t really know anything about.

    I appreciate your honesty regarding your weightloss and depression as they are two things that I struggle with as well. The IT2M reviewer probably doesn’t understand that the people who suffer from these things like to be able to know that they are not alone in the world and that there are others like them that they can lean on or they can offer a shoulder to when things are particularly rough. I am here if you need an ear or a shoulder.

    Hugs.

  13. Bossy, I responded to you by email but I had to add this.

    “bout the music..turn your vomume down if u dont like the music..kinda like if your watching a program u dont like, u turn it off…”

    What you (and other people with auto-music on their blogs) aren’t getting is that other people listen to their own music or watch TV shows or movies while browsing (That’s me).

    So to say it’s like watching TV, just turn your volume down. That doesn’t really work.

    Imagine watching TV and somehow the guy next door’s signal gets messed with yours and while you are enjoying an episode of Grey’s Anatomy, the sound from his Pimp My Ride is coming through your TV as well.

    Does that make any sense? That is what pisses people off about AUTO-music on blogs. Just have a play button people can hit if they want to listen to music, don’t force it on them.

  14. this is about your BAM..i cant comment as you have no spot to comment..i found this site thru my site meter, case u were wondering.

    about the music..turn your vomume down if u dont like the music..kinda like if your watching a program u dont like, u turn it off…the music on my blog correspondes with my title and the theme of my post.some find it irraitaing, but i fint when people use LOL, LMAO, ROFL..tend to piss me off to..

    some people dont like it, in fact i dont alwyas like it on toher blogs, but i just turn my volume down..easy fix..

    Blogs are a persons personal feeling about something…let them be..u dont have to read it, or u can turn your speakers down..

    anyway, thats my two cents…i dont care that i am on the list…in fact i kind of like it…yes i like musci,..so rock on music likers, and music haters…sorry peeps.

  15. hehe Thanks Misty :) At least if I was in the Arctic I would have a good excuse for not going out much. I’d just say “No way it’s too damn cold out there!” haha

    Oh well, I’ll just suck it up … maybe I’ll sign up for a re-review and hope that someone else might have some different opinions.

    Or just quit while I’m WAAAY behind :P

  16. Breigh, there is nothing wrong with your site. His hemorrhoids were probably acting up when he was reading your blog. No biggie, happens to the best of us.
    :-)

    And yeah, expat life can suck like an industrial strength vacuum cleaner. But at least you are in THE FARKIN’ NETHERLANDS! And not in the bloody farking Arctic!

  17. Maybe I need to move closer to you DutchBitch :P Then I can force you to be my new best friend!

  18. Oh well babe… You win some you loose some! I just wish you would have a better time of it over here in Dutchyland! Wish I could help you! Big Smooch from Little Ol’ Dutchbitchy me!

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