FOAD – Scary Links

Breigh November 2, 2006 13

I’ve been waiting for days to post about this because it is perfect for FOAD Thursday.   It’s about those links, the scary ones.  The ones people send you and say “Hey, can you see the difference in these photos?!” or “Listen to this song backwards, it’s funny!” or “Read this carefully, can you find the mistake?!”.

The ones that you are staring intently at and then…

* SCREAM *

Scary face!! Screaming!! SOMETHING IS COMING TO KILL YOU!

This somewhat resembles my face when those things jump out at me from my screen.

Then the swearing begins.

I HATE these things.  I hate them more than I hate the dentist.  I hate them more than I hate that dry skin that keeps growing on my heels.  I EVEN hate them more than I hate armpits.

It all comes down to the fact that I hate being startled.  Which is weird because I love scary movies and thrillers, but then I KNOW it’s coming so it’s ok… I can prepare myself.

What I hate is someone jumping out from around a corner after I watch one, or someone sneaking up behind me to try to startle me.  When someone is dumb enough to try to startle me, they can tell because my first instinct is to swing… not my fault they are stupid and I have good reflexes.

So, you can imagine how much I love the links that these sadistic fucks enjoy sending around the internet!

The problem is that you can’t avoid them because they are designed to get you when you aren’t expecting it.  That leaves you with no real way to avoid them, short of never clicking links people send you which isn’t really an option because more often than not it’s friends or family that seem to do it.

So you’ve all been warned.  If you send me one of these frightening links, I will hunt you down and do very very painful things to you.

I will rip off your most intimate bits and sell them on Ebay.

I’ll steal your most prized possession and give it to my dog to chew.

I’ll collect the feces of every one of my pets for a month and leave it in your bed.

I’ll pay a disease ridden escort to seduce your partner and give them herpes and crabs.

Then I will proceed to never speak to you again for as long as we both live.

13 Comments »

  1. Mr. Fabulous November 2, 2006 at 11:08 am - Reply

    I would just like everyone to know that while Breigh may have always felt this way, I alone served as the catalyst for this post LOL.

    I have properly apologized and am thankful that she accepted it, because she has a lot of pets and that woud be a lot of poop.

    Although, now that I think of it, if you collected all the poop from each animal and rolled them all into balls, I wonder if I would be able to match up the animal with the ball of poop…

    Hmm..maybe I shouldn’t be commenting on blogs at four in the morning.

  2. Tanya November 2, 2006 at 11:47 am - Reply

    WOW! I was Stumbling through some websites the other day and one of those mofo things screamed at me. USUALLY, I have my sound off. GAH!

    I am with ya, sista. They suck!

  3. Rache November 2, 2006 at 12:08 pm - Reply

    Couldn’t agree more, I got the one that’s a maze, where you have to keep your pointer in the maze, not go out of the lines, and when you do there’s a huge scream and a zombie face flashes up. That was annoying, but what pissed me off even more was a video (Google or YouTube, can’t remember) of the same thing happening to a little kid, maybe about eight or nine, obviously filmed by a sibling, maybe even a parent, and it was just so heartbreaking, this kid was crying and screaming, I felt so annoyed someone in his own family would do that. It was just bloody mean.

  4. Melissa November 2, 2006 at 3:39 pm - Reply

    I totally agree with you. I hate those bloody things too. I even hate Jack-in-the-boxes. And I also love horror movies but as you said at least you know what is coming. I gave my ex a black eye once cause he scared me in the dark, funny thing was he wasn’t even trying to scare me.

  5. DutchBitch November 2, 2006 at 5:15 pm - Reply

    OMG! Both Lynda AND Fab fucked me up with stuff like that! Kill kill killl!!!!!!!

  6. Sparkling November 2, 2006 at 6:10 pm - Reply

    It has been determined I am a non believer, which is why I didn’t encounter any ghosts on halloween. I still jump when someone/-thing startles me. It’s not funny!!!!

  7. Ananke November 2, 2006 at 6:45 pm - Reply

    Ugh, I hate those things too! I especially hate the ones that flash Linda Blair’s Exorcist picture. I’m going to KILL the next person that sends me one of those.

  8. mandy November 2, 2006 at 7:50 pm - Reply

    Ooh I bloody hate those things, they scare the living bejesus out of me, I’m totally with you on that one!

  9. Dustin November 3, 2006 at 12:53 am - Reply

    Thankfully most people are dumb enough to tell you “make sure you turn your sound up real high before you watch this” which always gives it away. It was almost funny the first time I watched one, but now that you see them everyday, everywhere, it’s just not amusing anymore.

  10. Evil Genius November 3, 2006 at 5:57 pm - Reply

    You are a genius and I couldn’t have put any of this better than you just did! Thank you on behalf of all of us who hate these cruel, bastardly jokes. And FOAD indeed to the people who sneak up on me after just having encountered one. I could easily debone (or de-ball) them for it!!!

  11. blueyes November 3, 2006 at 8:44 pm - Reply

    Ugh, I’m so with you on this and most of them now I KNOW its coming and it just pisses me off more lol

  12. jess November 3, 2006 at 10:37 pm - Reply

    Ugh. I absolutely hate those, too. Great post. I might have to start linking to it every time I get one of those retarded emails! :P

    Also… I’ve found a new home at wordpress. Please update me – I am no longer “The Ex Files!”

  13. phil November 7, 2006 at 4:51 pm - Reply

    Call me werid but I love those things and being startled, for me anyway, is great. Its like getting a shot of pure adrinaline. I am cheap so are my thrills. But I will keep them to myself and you can keep your animal waste, I will deal with armpits but not animal pooh.

Leave A Response »