I’ve been waiting for days to post about this because it is perfect for FOAD Thursday. It’s about those links, the scary ones. The ones people send you and say “Hey, can you see the difference in these photos?!” or “Listen to this song backwards, it’s funny!” or “Read this carefully, can you find the mistake?!”.
The ones that you are staring intently at and then…
* SCREAM *
Scary face!! Screaming!! SOMETHING IS COMING TO KILL YOU!
This somewhat resembles my face when those things jump out at me from my screen.
Then the swearing begins.
I HATE these things. I hate them more than I hate the dentist. I hate them more than I hate that dry skin that keeps growing on my heels. I EVEN hate them more than I hate armpits.
It all comes down to the fact that I hate being startled. Which is weird because I love scary movies and thrillers, but then I KNOW it’s coming so it’s ok… I can prepare myself.
What I hate is someone jumping out from around a corner after I watch one, or someone sneaking up behind me to try to startle me. When someone is dumb enough to try to startle me, they can tell because my first instinct is to swing… not my fault they are stupid and I have good reflexes.
So, you can imagine how much I love the links that these sadistic fucks enjoy sending around the internet!
The problem is that you can’t avoid them because they are designed to get you when you aren’t expecting it. That leaves you with no real way to avoid them, short of never clicking links people send you which isn’t really an option because more often than not it’s friends or family that seem to do it.
So you’ve all been warned. If you send me one of these frightening links, I will hunt you down and do very very painful things to you.
I will rip off your most intimate bits and sell them on Ebay.
I’ll steal your most prized possession and give it to my dog to chew.
I’ll collect the feces of every one of my pets for a month and leave it in your bed.
I’ll pay a disease ridden escort to seduce your partner and give them herpes and crabs.
Then I will proceed to never speak to you again for as long as we both live.