Today was laundry day and part of laundry day is wearing things you probably wouldn’t wear otherwise, so that all the stuff you do want to wear can be washed. At least that’s how it works in my house… or maybe it’s because I always put the laundry off for too long. It could be that.
Whatever… tonight while I was making dinner my husband and I were laughing at the pants I was wearing. A pair of my favorite stretchy 3/4 length pants that has gotten me through many many summers. They were worn a lot, because mostly everything else I tried on wouldn’t fit. No matter how much weight I gained, they would stretch enough to fit and still be comfortable.
At one point I even took the drawstring out because even with it tied as loosely as possible, I couldn’t get the pants over my hips without untying it if I had to go to the bathroom. I was too lazy to tie and untie it all the time, and it’s not like I needed the drawstring to hold them up.
I could have used that drawstring today during laundry day.
I have to admit, it felt sort of good to wear those pants again. Not because I still like them for the same reasons, but because I needed a reminder of why I should stay on track. The last few weeks have been a bit difficult for me, first with my gallbladder issues and surgery, then some other private issues that came up that I had to deal with.
Well, let’s just say it’s been a stressful couple of weeks… and even though I’ve lost almost 85 lbs now, one thing has not changed. When I pass a certain level of anxiety or stress, there is only one thing I want to do.
EAT! Eat every damn thing in sight.
Then I get pissed off that I still have those urges to eat for comfort.
Which makes me want to eat more… which makes me more pissed off… which makes me want to eat… which… you get the point.
I try not to, and most of the time I succeed. I try to just eat more of the healthy things that fit nicely into my diet but with Christmas on top of it all, it’s a bit more difficult. There is temptation everywhere I go, people are on Facebook talking about the delicious things they have eaten, baked, or bought, the oliebollen are out everywhere I go… and I feel like I am missing out. I know that NOT missing out on ANYTHING is what made me so hideously fat to begin with and I try to remind myself of that. I know that there are a lot of things I’m missing out on because of my weight too, and while Christmas will be over in a week, all those things I’ve been missing out on will still be there.
I also know that there are a few very important health issues that depend on me continuing to lose weight in order to improve. There are things I want for my life that rely on me continuing to lose this weight. It’s SO important for my future and my happiness.
Anyway, what I mean is that I needed to wear those great big baggy pants today. Now more than any other time I’ve been trying to lose weight, I needed to feel like I’ve changed and see some evidence of all the hard work. Those pants gave that to me today. By being way too big even without needing to use any of the stretch in them, by the crotch hanging down to my knees, and by hanging to my ankles when they once went just past my knees. Those pants gave me a little more strength to get through the holiday season.
So did my husband… by climbing into the pants with me and showing me that now we can both fit into pants that I almost didn’t fit into myself at one time.
This made me laugh. In fact, we both laughed so hard that we collapsed and I knocked the towel rack behind me straight off the wall!
It’s true, you know, what they say about laughter being the best medicine. I didn’t even care that we busted the towel rack, or that we came very close to being found dead two weeks from now because we were tangled up in the same pants and couldn’t out of our tiny bathroom to find help. All I cared about was that my husband was in my pants and that gave me more pleasure than any oliebollen ever could.
Yes, I know how dirty that sounded.
Yes honey, it’s ok if you tell all your friends I said that.
After my post about reaching 80 lbs lost and joking on Facebook about my husband getting in my pants with me, some people commented that they wanted to see some real before and after photos, as up until this point I’ve really only shown photos of my face. That’s because photos of me before I started trying to lose weight are VERY few and far between.
I may love being behind a camera but I have never enjoyed being in front of one. When I was over 300 lbs the thought of taking photos of myself, or worse… putting them on the internet, was my biggest nightmare.
Anyhow, I dug through my photo archives and found some photos of myself back in 2008 while I was in France. I don’t think I had quite reached my highest weight at that point, I was probably somewhere between 280 – 300 lbs. Tonight I had my husband shoot some quick photos of me in somewhat the same positions to try to show the difference.
Hopefully you can tell which photos are the before photos! If you can’t… be a dear and just lie, ok?
So, here’s my plan. Christmas is this week, and New Years Eve is the week after. I have less than two full weeks to get through until at least the Christmas temptation is gone. That will be one gone from the list of reasons why I’ve been struggling a little recently. I’ve already allowed a few small indulgences, like a hot chocolate when I was out with my friend getting our nails done last week.
HOT CHRISTMAS BALLS! After six months almost entirely sugar free, hot chocolate has never tasted so damn good! You have no idea!
I will allow myself another small indulgence for Christmas and one for New Year, then it’s back to the grindstone. Back on the wagon.
BALLS TO THE WALL!!!
Err, got carried away there. Sorry.
Yeah, so next time you are lazy and haven’t done your laundry in a while. Don’t worry, maybe having no clean pants will brighten your day a little too. You never know!