Ummm, yeah.  This is a lie.  Well, it wasn’t a lie when I first wrote it now but I can’t leave it on there without feeling like I’m telling a fib.

A while back I wrote a post about how I felt that my being overweight affected my feeling of femininity, which was quite difficult for me to write because not only was it slightly embarrassing but it required a little bit of soul searching as well.  I always knew I didn’t feel feminine but I wasn’t sure why, it wasn’t until I started losing the weight that I put two and two together and made the connection.

In that post I was talking about my acrylic nails, which I loved.  Oh how I loved them.  I decided they would be my reward to myself for losing weight and one of my first steps into accepting that more girlie side of myself.  Unfortunately, due to the affect the hormones treatments were having, the weight loss stopped.  It also started to get a little expensive for me to keep having my nails done… so I decided it was best if I removed them.  I partly didn’t feel like I deserved the ‘reward’ since I wasn’t still losing weight but the main problem was about cost.

The thing is, I really loved having pretty nails so I decided to start trying to do them myself and see what I could come up with.  Before I knew it I was hooked!  Uh oh, I DO live for nail polish!  So that means that on my About Me page I am a big lying liar! haha

Not just that, but with the weight loss I also realized that none of the clothes I’d bought last summer fit me anymore.  Which was good, but also not good because I didn’t want to have to buy an entirely new wardrobe.  I did have to buy some new clothes though, and I thought what better time to try something new!  For the first time in years, I bought leggings… and a dress.  Yes, you heard me right.  A dress!

I wore it… and felt silly.

I wore it again… and felt slightly less silly.

I got one or two more outfits like this and I wore them and felt increasingly less silly.

I admit, each of the times I wore it I was a little paranoid about the size of my legs, because that is one area that isn’t showing a drastic change after the weight loss.  I’m still quite big in my butt, thighs and legs… so wearing stuff like this really tests my strength in regards to my body issues.  Every part of me wants to NOT wear these outfits, EVEN THOUGH they are incredibly comfortable and cool in the warm weather.  The insecure, paranoid, body issue freak inside me would rather sweat to death than wear something that might make someone mentally point and laugh when I walk by.

I didn’t give in though, because deep down as much as I worry about my legs, or about my flabby arms when I wear a tank top (oh sweet jesus, don’t even get me started on THAT. Let’s just say I won’t be waving a lot to people this summer!)… I am enjoying the freedom of wearing what I like more and more, regardless of what other people may think.

I’m not sure what created such a drastic change…. now constantly with the nails and manicures, wearing dresses and looking at shoes and makeup more.  Some friends have a theory that it’s a possible effect of the hormones I’d taken over the past six months, and maybe they are right… maybe there is something in them that brings out my feminine side, who knows.  All I know is that I am through with not trying things because I worry I’ll look stupid.

To be honest, the nails thing?  It’s been so therapeutic.  There were a lot of days during my treatments that I felt so down. My mind would be going a thousand miles a minute and I didn’t have the patience for anything… but I could sit and play with nail polish and paint my nails for hours.  It felt peaceful and for a little while I was free of the mental roller coaster I was riding.

I even started a second blog, yes… all about nails.  I love it!  It’s not about anything personal, I don’t discuss life or how I’m feeling.  I just share something I enjoy with other people who enjoy it too.  It’s SO simple and so fun.

It’s called (as you can see) Gettin’ Girlie.  Notice my newspaper nails manicure?  Pretty fitting for my ‘Stop The Presses’” post, huh?  I’m so clever.

Anyway, the blog is on Blogger, which I must admit I kind of despise, but that’s where the nail community ‘lives’, so I figured I may as well have my nail blog live there too. I would have loved to be able to have the nails blog also on self-hosted WordPress, because that’s how I roll… but there are elements to nail blogging (like having to use Google Friend Connect) which absolutely does NOT work on WordPress for some reason, that I can’t use, so I’m sort of stuck with Blogger. Blech.

The reasons I started a second blog for this are pretty simple.  I didn’t think the readers who visit Canadutch would all be interested in nails.  Not that everyone that visits is interested in everything I write, but if I suddenly just became all about manicures it would not really be what this blog is about.  Also, I wanted to sign up for giveaways. LOTS AND LOTS of giveaways. I so want free shit!  In order to do that you have to pretty much plague your blog with posts, sidebar stuff etc… and that’s not what I want for Canadutch either.  I like keeping this site free of spam and clutter, and that just does not jive well with what the whole nail blogging thing is all about.

For the last while I’ve been keeping the nail blog semi-secret because I felt kind of silly.  I mean, a NAIL blog? About NAIL POLISH!?  I’m so over it.  It’s fun, I enjoy it and it relaxes me.  There’s nothing to be ashamed of here… it was just me being silly and slipping into old habits of worrying what other people will think.  Over analyzing things… Now I am just rolling my eyes at myself, of course.

As hard as the weight loss journey has been so far, and will be in the coming months, and as much as these fertility treatments have taken out of me… there is a silver lining here.  I feel like I’m becoming more and more the person I want to be and am becoming less afraid of what other people think.  It has been teaching me some valuable lessons.  Most of all, that it’s ok to let your freak flag fly… and fly it will!!

Oh, just don’t think I’ll be waving it, because no matter how ‘over it’ I like to think I am, those waggly arms still drive me bananas!

Related posts:

1. Stop With the Links!
2. Confessions of a Fat Girl: Fat and Feminine?
3. Please!! Make it Stop!!

Wait, it probably would have been best to let people believe I really know my shit and conjured this up from scratch, huh?

The majority of the compliments I get are from other expats who are living here who are happy to find out that they aren’t alone in their struggles with life here.  In the early years I wrote a lot of rants about how hard it is here and about my experiences trying to get used to my new life.  I tried to be as open about it as possible, not because I was really in it to help people at the time, I just needed a place to rant.  It was just a bonus that some of my posts actually did help people in the end.

I’ll never be an expat blogger who is striving to be the biggest and best authority on all things Netherlands, lord knows there are enough of those.  I guess I’ve just been the other voice of expats, the one who says “Hey, ya know? It’s not all about how to deal with the IND or how many different kinds of cheese there are!  Life can be hard here and you might struggle and that’s OK!”  Not everyone comes here and takes the Netherlands by storm, in fact, I’m willing to bet that even some of those who appear to be on their blogs are not behind the scenes.  I’d put money on it.

Some people have messaged me saying I should go into writing somehow, but that’s not really my bag. I write as things come into my head and that’s about it.  If someone told me to write 1000 words on a specific topic I’d probably come up blank, unless it was open ended and they were willing to wait until the mood strikes.

In any case, I’m really happy that there are people out there who enjoy reading my blog, even though it’s a little less about struggling here (thank god, that has improved for me… as it will for everyone eventually), but hopefully they’ll still find something here to enjoy!

Related posts:

1. 30 Days of Truth: Day 2
2. 30 Days of Truth: Day 18
3. 30 Days of Truth: Day 10

This was the cover of a calendar that my mom sent me for Christmas last year.  I was sort of bummed when I took it down because it was really cute and funny.  My mom knows me so well…

There has been a lot of this in my life lately, pretending to be normal when really I’m wigging out completely inside. I miss the days when I’d just talk about anything on my blog, because I feel like I could really use that outlet for getting all my thoughts out, but something has changed.

One thing I have always liked best about my blog is that I’ve been real, totally 100% real.  The good stuff, the bad and the really really bad.  I like being honest and putting it all out there, mostly because I know that there are people who have gone through some of the same things I have who have felt better knowing they aren’t alone.

The problem though?  At times I’ve paid dearly for it because I’ve taken it too far. I’ve been insensitive about other people’s feelings and was so busy getting my own feelings out there that I wasn’t thinking of the other people who were affected by it.

I don’t think anyone would be bothered if I wrote about the issues I’m having at the moment, but it’s all stuff that if I put it out there, it’s out for public consumption and I don’t know if I want that right now.  I’d like to talk about it but only on my terms.  Meaning I’d like to blog about it just so I can talk and let my feelings out but I wouldn’t want people asking me about it all the time, because while I’d write about it here that wouldn’t mean I’d always feel like talking about it. It would just be nice to let it all out and drivel on about it as long as I want without worrying that I’m boring someone or forcing them to be a part of a conversation about it.

Fucking hell, I just realized I’m like one of those Vaguebookers I hate so much.  Those assholes who say something like “oh I never thought it could ever get this bad!” or “I never thought a friend could be that absolutely heinous but I guess they can’”, which prompts all their friends to swarm like flies to shit to find out what is going on. I hate those people, like… want to punch in the throat kind of hate.

Honestly, that’s not what I’m trying to do. I’m just talking about an inner struggle with how I am feeling about my blog at the moment and what I want it to be.  It used to be a no holds barred place for me to be well… me.  Lately it feels like I’ve been holding back, just posting photos and trying to keep everything as safe as possible… and I really really haven’t been enjoying it.  I like to think I’m wiser now and I know what is and isn’t appropriate to write about.  The problem is, everyone has a different idea of where the line is.  Maybe I just need to keep on writing like I always did, as long as it’s just my own private business I’m discussing, and possibly my husband’s if he consents…. and give a good think to who else is affected by it if I hit the publish button.

Sorry, I know this probably makes no sense and is really confusing, but if you’ve been reading for a long time I’m sure you’ve noticed the difference as well. I just need to think on it a bit more, but I’ll probably be back soon to add a little clarity to the whole thing.

Related posts:

1. Project 365 (Day 2) Painting With Light
2. Project 365 (Day 1) A Pitiful Year for Fireworks
3. Project 365 (Day 3) Ten Years of Christmases

19. Finally meet Sonya

Sonya is a good friend of mine that I first met online about two years ago.  She had contacted me after reading through  my blog as she was new in the Netherlands and going through a lot of what I did in the early years.  We quickly became friends when we realized it wasn’t just our expat status that we had in common, we were both into crafts, photography and other things as well.

We kept saying we were going to meet, but living on opposite sides of the country posed a bit of a problem.  Even though it’s only a little over two hours to drive, it still took some planning and this is why I added meeting her to my 101 list.  To make sure that at some point we stopped letting the drive get in our way!

Early in the summer, Sonya and I, together with our friend Candace, got together for a BBQ and finally all got too meet!  Since then we’ve all gotten together a number of times and I think the three of us can agree that we all wish we lived closer together!  We still make the effort to get together when we can though, and Sonya and her family even watched our dogs for us while we were in France.

I would post photos, but due to Sonya’s husband’s job as a top secret international man of mystery, that is not possible.  You will just have to use your imagination to see us together knitting, BBQing, talking far too much about 80’s TV and giggling loads.

88. Grow my own vegetables

Dude, I SO TOTALLY DID THAT!!  Thanks to Jenny, I can now officially say that I have grown my own vegetables!  I know my veggie files posts sort of died off but I did grow and eat both green beans and cucumbers!  My plants are now dead and gone, but dammit, I grew veggies!  I never was successful with the lettuce, it started to show promise there at one point but… no joy.

45. Find a doctor I trust

This one is a bit of a different situation, I am still going to consider this an accomplishment though.  I didn’t so much find a NEW doctor I trust, rather I learned to trust the doctor I have.  So, really I did find a doctor I trust in the end.  I know I’ve complained about him, but he did redeem himself.  There have been a number of scuffles between us over the years and most if it boiled down to the fact that he refuses to sugarcoat things or pull punches with me.  When I was feeling down and out, I really wasn’t up to taking it.  When he’d tell me flat out that I was too fat, or that a lot of my ailments are probably due to the extra weight, I’d get insulted and hate him for not finding other, easier to fix reasons for my problems.  That was my issue, not his.

He is the reason why I am where I am today. If he hadn’t given me that cold hard slap of reality, I probably would have continued to avoid the fact that I desperately needed to lose weight.  Now I am down almost 70 lbs and am still going strong. When I see him he is truly happy to see my progress and makes it clear that he’ll do whatever he can to support me in getting to my goals.  I may not always appreciate the tough love he dishes out, but I realize now that I do trust him. He doesn’t always give me what I want, but he gives me what I need, even if it’s a good swift kick in the ass. I’m thankful for that.

71. Re-organize blog categories and tags

This one actually took me a dogs age, but I did it!  I decided on 16 categories that I thought all of my posts could fit into, then left the tags more wide open. Basically less categories and more tags.  My whole category system was getting out of control.  This required me to go back into my older posts and edit them all, putting them into the appropriate new categories and adding the tags.  It was a pain but now the blog is more organized.  I don’t think it was a really super important thing to do but it’s just one of those OCD things I had to get done.

97. Clean out our storage room

This is one I really wish I’d taken photos of. If I had remembered it was on my 101 list I probably would have, but at the time all I could think about was getting it done.  It took my husband and I two days of basically pulling everything out of the room, putting it in piles of keep, throw away and sell … and a load of reorganizing when it all went back in.  The room was a disaster area in the beginning and it was basically just big wall of junk when you opened the door.  We managed to create a lot of space down there and are even able to easily get our bikes in and out when we need them.  Everything is put away in categories, like our camping stuff is all together, old clothes are together etc.

Granted, we will have to do this again in 6 months or a year, as the junk ALWAYS accumulates… but we did it this time and we did it well. I’ll just concentrate on that for now!

48. Get a 2nd opinion from a Fertility Specialist

I’m not going to get into the history of my issues with infertility, as there are bits and pieces about it to be found here on my blog if you want to go searching for it.  I also don’t think I will be discussing it in any detail over the next while either. It’s private and not something I want to put out to the whole world anymore.  Maybe one day I will want to write about this on my blog again, just to keep a record of things, but for now I’ll just say I’ve had my second opinion and leave it at that. So I can scratch this one off my list too.

73. Get prescription sunglasses

DONE!  Since getting glasses for the first time, I’ve missed being able to wear sunglasses.  I can see fine without my glasses as my eyes aren’t really that bad, but it’s just enough to notice. So if I take off my normal glasses and put on my store bought sunglasses, I can feel my eyes straining just that tiny little bit.  So between when I first got glasses almost four years ago until this summer, I just never wore sunnies at all.

When I went to pick out new glasses before the summer, the place I went to had a deal where you could get three pairs for €175.  So I got one normal everyday pair, one funky pair and one pair of SUNNIIIEEEES!  I was so happy!  I snapped this photo in the car on our way to France.  I wore them a lot there, but sadly haven’t had a lot of occasion to wear them here.  Stupid Dutch weather.

Now I have 2.5 weeks before I can scratch off this one: 13. Fly home to Canada alone. Cannot. Frigging. Wait!!  You can bet your ass I’ll be writing about that one!

Related posts:

1. 101 List – My First Cheesecake Adventure
2. 101 List – Happy Sushi
3. 101 List – My First Pedicure

I missed the first year, I can’t remember why but it was either because money was too tight or one of us was sick, probably me.   There was no way I was going to miss it this year because they had far too much fun without me last year.

Also because there was an old friend and a new blogging pal I really wanted to see.

And meet them I did!  It was fantastic to finally be all in the same place after months of Facebooking, chatting and tweeting about it!

Five of us bloggers from NL showed up.  I count hubby because he DOES have a blog, even if it’s all about Lego. You can tell he really hated being surrounded by all these women.  He and Dave were seriously outnumbered.

There were a lot of these…

Which lead to things like this…

Aah, that’s better, very pretty!

There was LOT of this going on too as the American and the Brit in the group argued over who was going to win the USA vs England game that day.

Oh dear… a tie.  What will they argue about now?

Perhaps the correct way to do jazz hands?

DutchBitch was all, me me me, look at me, have you seen me today?  Me me, more me, hello!! meeeee!!

Just in case you weren’t paying attention!

Oh that DutchBitch, I know I make her out to be a total attention whore but she was actually the most shy and quiet one at the table, if you can believe it! Don’t tell her I told you though, she has a rep to protect!

After almost 10 years, I finally got to see my friend Renee again. She was one of the first expats I ever met here in the Netherlands and unfortunately, due to distance and my going into hiding in the first few years, we lost touch.  We found each other again though, thank you FACEBOOK!!

It would appear we haven’t matured much over those 10 years…

This is me and Dave.  Dave is a celebrity.  No, seriously…  we were all sitting around the table when this random Dutch dude walks up to him and says “Hey, you’re Dave, I read your blog!!”.  This was followed by screams from everyone at the table.  I had to get a photo with him, so I can be cool and famous by association.

Pity the photo taken of the entire group didn’t work out, I think the waiter was a little too shaky because we all came out in a giant blur.  Although, turning the flash on for him might have helped. Oops!

I should have taken photos of the food, because it was just ridiculous.  I took a ‘free day’ from Weight Watchers and ate a cheeseburger the size of my head.  Which was possibly followed up by a hot fudge sundae with brownie.  Actually, I was literally still full the next day at dinner time…

I will never be able to say literally again with a straight face.

Thanks DutchBitch for organizing it, Dave for the cool lanyards and pins!

Xander and I both had such a great time that evening, we can’t wait for Bitchsterdam 3!!

No related posts.

First,  Alison from A Flamingo in Utrecht named me as one of her most loyal followers.  She mentioned that she was finally going to meet me on Saturday, which was last night and meet we did!

She helped school me on margarita’s and cooking flamingos while we ate the most gigantic hamburgers on the face of the earth.  We also got to hang out with a celebrity!  More on that later…

So apparently the way the award works is that you answer a few questions and then pass it on for other people to answer.  People that you feel are loyal followers of your blog.  You know, the usual meme / award thing.

So here goes…  I think I’ve answered a lot of these questions on my blog already but maybe my views have changed over the last little while, so I’ll give it a go again.

1. Why did you start your blog? Did you expect it to become popular?

I started my blog because I was lonely.  I had already been in the Netherlands for a few years when I started it but I was still struggling quite badly. I needed a place where I could vent freely and get out some of the negative energy so that not so much of it was pouring out in my home.

I never expected it to be popular at all.  I had hoped that there were other expats who would read it, understand and maybe tell me it would get better or offer me friendship, but beyond that I didn’t expect that anyone would be interested.  I’ve had a lot of people from all different countries and walks of life visit my blog, and it’s surprising because I must admit I feel like I lead quite a boring life at times.  I don’t think I’d call my blog popular but it’s been a lot more rewarding than I ever would have expected.  I met my best friend when she urged me to meet up after finding my blog, as well as other friends and expats I never would have encountered otherwise.

2. When exactly did you start your blog?

My first blog entry was May 2, 2004, just over 6 years ago.  I just laughed out loud here because when I checked the post to see when it was I saw that the very first words I said on this blog were “THREE MORE SLEEPS TILL I GET OUT OF HOLLAND!!”.  I have to laugh because that is SO six-years-ago me.  I was just about to leave for a holiday in Canada, from which I would return full of hopes and dreams of moving back there.  A lot has changed since then. Nowadays when I go home I love seeing my home town, friends and family but by the end of my visit I’m happy to return to my other home here in the Netherlands.  Some things haven’t changed though, I still look forward to those Wendy’s burgers and dread the flight in those squishy ass seats!

3. Who are three of your most loyal followers?

I am willing to bet that I don’t even know my most loyal followers are there.  I often speak to people who tell me they read my blog, but I’ve never seen them comment which causes a bit of surprise when I realize they’ve been reading.  Sometimes my husband will tell me that people he knows have said that they read it faithfully, and then I get a bit weirded out.  It’s easy to see your blog as just your own random little space and forget that there is a whole world out there who may be reading it… random strangers, old friends, family, maybe the odd ex-boyfriend or two.  If only we could get that much info from our blog statistics… rather than just general areas that our readers come from.

So I will choose from those that I think visit and comment most often, thanks to my trusty little widget for telling me who they are!  You will have to answer these questions too!

I’ll have to skip my most popular commenter, because it’s Alison!!  The same Alison who had me answer these questions to begin with, so she’s already done it.  Still, she deserves a bit of a shout out!

The next most gabby visitor I have is Sonya!  An American expat living on the opposite side of the country from me.  I’m pretty sure she’s the devil because she bakes a lot of really sinful looking food and then puts photos up on the internet to taunt me.  I love her anyway though and after communicating online and not meeting in RL for far too long we will finally be getting together later this month!

Next is Kara!  A gal I met randomly when I found her blog and started reading about her life with her family in the Yukon.  We have a lot in common, I’m a Cape Bretoner, she’s married to one… we are both trying to lose weight… she has really cute kids and loves taking photos of them, I like looking at those photos.  You get my point.  Chances of meeting are pretty slim at the moment as I don’t think we have any plans to visit the Yukon (although I’d TOTALLY move there if it were possible, call me crazy!) and I don’t think they’ll be coming to NL… but perhaps one day our visits to Cape Breton will coincide and we’ll get together and chat over some Timmies!

Next on my chatterbox list is Gaby, but unfortunately she doesn’t have a blog… or if she does, she never links to it so I can’t really ask her to return the favor on this one.  Like Alison though – SHOUT OUT! :)

Oh lordy, that leaves us with none other than the infamous Invader Stu, the neighbour I’ve never met even though you could probably throw a stone toss a chicken from his house to mine… if you can really throw.  Who is also leaving us soon for Amsterdam, BOO!  Super duper comic maker, boat owner and all around funny guy, dating a super cutie who makes super cute cakes.  One day I am going to nail them down and force them to meet me, perhaps on the next day I hear that there is cake!

Getting back to the whole people who visit and never comment thing, I’d love to hear from some of you lurkers. I’m always SO curious who is out there that I don’t know about.  If you are someone I don’t know, an old friend, the creepy dude who keeps stalking me on your bike while I walk the dogs, a neighbour, former colleague or any other sort of random person… l’d love to hear from you.

If you are some jackass (or non-jackass) ex-boyfriend that reads just because you’re nosy or for entertainment value, I don’t expect that you’ll fess up, but still – I dare you.

Related posts:

1. Tagged by Kara
2. She Loves Me Too!!

Yesterday morning we woke up and it was foggy and grey. Not exactly what we hoped for on a Sunday morning but it would have to do.  I had a lot of housework that I was avoiding, so I asked my husband how he’d feel about going for a drive so I could take some photos.  He was up for it and we hopped in the car and set off.  We had no idea where we were going, but we figured we’d know it when we got there.

We ended up at Carnisse Grienden, a lovely nature area with a number of walking paths to follow.  I’ve never been there before so it was new to me. With the foggy weather, taking photos was a bit challenging but I enjoyed myself a lot, even if I did come home with my pants caked in mud.

It was lunchtime by the time we got home, and we were both feeling good from the fresh air and getting out for a little exercise.  I was hoping to work off what was left of that one pound, but helaas pindakaas.  No luck!  Maybe tomrorow will be the day!

If you are ever in the area and would like a nice area to walk and take photos, get some exercise or take your dogs out for a walk, Carnisse Grienden is great.  Be sure to wear shoes you don’t mind getting dirty though, it can be muddy in spots!

You can view the rest of the photos from yesterday here on the Flickr set.

Related posts:

1. Frosty Carnisse Grienden
2. Early Morning at Zuiderpark
3. A Sunday Run

Yesterday Michelle over at Laundromat gave me this best blogger award.  YAY, I FEEL LOVED!!  I must say I was surprised and totally stoked to get it, as the whole little blog awards thing always seem to pass me by.   Over the past few weeks there’s been one going through all the expats here like a brush fire and I kept thinking someone pick me!!! … but nobody did.  Yeah that’s me whining, and I’m talking about you!!  Yeah you, expat person reading this who doesn’t love me and didn’t give me the award when they got it!  I’m just yanking your chains.  I don’t mind.   It’s only absolute and utter rejection… I’m fine… REALLY! 

Honestly, no worries, I’m just messin’ with ya… not really.

Seriously though, Michelle had some really nice things to say about my blog, which felt great.  I have had a few periods where I totally neglected this place because I wasn’t sure what to do with it anymore.  It was made to be a place for me to complain and rant about how difficult my life was here when I had no friends to talk to, but when life started to not be so bad I wasn’t sure what to write about anymore. 

DUH, write about the good stuff, dumbass!  That’s what your thinking, right?  I’ve never claimed to be the sharpest knife in the drawer, ya know!

That’s what I’ve decided to do.  I’m sure there will still be frustrating moments and believe me I’ll share the shit out of them, but I also want to share the fun things I am doing now, the new things I learn and the people I meet.  I know my blog has come in handy for a lot of people who are struggling here, if for not other reason than to make them feel like they aren’t crazy for finding it difficult or to know someone understands.  Hopefully they still can find a connection even though things aren’t so bad.  Maybe to show them that it does get better.

I’ve also decided to start writing more about non-expat stuff that I love… photography, crafts, TV shows, movies, new cooking adventures.  Whatever strikes my fancy really.

Anyhow, I’m happy to be writing here again, even though it’s not constant complaining anymore it’s still therapeutic and I enjoy the connections it helps me make with other people going through the same, or even different, life experiences as me.

Thank you Michelle, I really appreciate your kind words and that you thought of me for the award!

Now, who shall I pass it on to?  I’m going to go by who’s blog I make a point of looking for every time I go to my feed reader.  Someone who’s blog I enjoy, that I feel I can connect with either by what is going on in our lives, what we enjoy or just because their writing style makes their blog enjoyable for me.  When I tried to think of who that person is, I knew right away because her blog was the one I had checked first for updates just this morning. 

Sure enough there was one and it showed we had even more in common, our blood type!

Yes, it’s Megan from Crafty Intentions!!

I first found her when I was thinking about doing my spare room over into a craft room and saw photos of her craft room.  Oh … my … god.  Craft room of my dreams!  I swear if I ever get a house big enough to have my own craft room, I’m saving up and flying this girl over to help me set it up.

After stalking her on Flickr for a while I discovered her blog, which I have read faithfully and loved ever since.  She is brutally honest about her quirks, which I love… and she’s crafty as all get out.  I’m constantly looking at things she’s made and wishing I had an ounce of her creativity.

Like her FRAMED set for example.  Ok these are things I could make myself having already seen her do it, but I never would have thought of it myself.  That’s what I mean, I see these lovely framed craftworks and totally want to make them too, but would I have ever come up with the idea on my own? Not a chance!

One of my favorite things is when she shares her home renovations with us.  Seriously, I want to live in her house.  I love the bold color choices she uses and how she accessorizes in just the right way.  I did our house in neutral tones because we plan to sell it but when we get our ‘forever home’, look out!! I’m totally copycatting Megan. Sorry Megan!  You can just consider our new house your Euro House!  You’ll be welcome to stay anytime, especially if you want to teach me crafts for room and board.

Honestly, here are just a few examples of her renovations so far.

Look at her romantic bedroom makeover.  It’s a long one but worth the read.  Books organized by COLOR, COLOR PEOPLE!! I’d have done by author or genre, but who sees that when they enter a room.  What a cute idea.  Oh, and it’s gadget friendly, and you know how much I love gadgets.  I need me one of those docking stations.

This is still my favorite though…her dining room renovation *faint*  I want.  Plain and simple.  Clearly I’m not the only one who loves her though, she got an award in that post too!  Yes, that is me swooning in the comments.  Leave me alone, I think I have a girl crush.

Oh, and check out what she did to her living room.  I absolutely love it.  I love the green, I’m crazy about the Christmas deco, but we all knew I would be, being the Christmas freak that I am.  I also love her bold choices with lighting.  That’s one area where I am always lost. We still have all the same ceiling lights in our house because lighting is one thing I cannot figure out.  I don’t know what would look good here.

Besides the whole crafty and awesome decorator thing, she’s also a big time animal lover.  Like me, she wants to take home every animal she sees.  Sometimes she does!  She, like me, obsesses about what animals to get, how to best care for them, and how to make sure everything is just right.  I love following her through her saga with adopting a dog and all the craziness he’s brought into their lives.  She is one of the most responsible and thoughtful pet owners I know, and that goes a long way with me because I’m a huge animal lover too.

Her biggest saga has just begun though, as she’s recently found out that she is pregnant.  I can only assume that this will bring about a whole new range of posts, as well as a whole lot of crafts for baby.  I’m looking forward to that!

Anyhow, she gets my best blogger vote this time, wholeheartedly.  Thanks Megan, for keeping us all entertained, making us laugh and inspiring us with your creativity!

Related posts:

1. He Loves Me!
2. The Cat Who Loves Me

Over the years I’ve spoken to a lot of bloggers and have even met one or two in real life and become friends with them.  One thing that has always stopped me from meeting more is the underlying fear of them not being who they make themselves out to be on their blogs.  I know in many cases it’s probably silly to feel that way, but in talking to different bloggers who have met a lot of others, I hear a lot of stories about people who turn out to be nothing like the person you see on their blog.

Recently I learned about another example of this happening.  It doesn’t really affect me since I never really talk to the person and they live nowhere near me, so I wouldn’t ever be meeting them anyway, but it does get under my skin.  Apparently, this person’s blog persona is a complete fabrication.  From their name, where they live, what they do and just generally who they are.   Many of the experiences they write about on their blog have not even happened, and a lot of what they write about is found through Google, rather than their own life experiences.

First, let me say that I don’t think it’s an obligation for bloggers to share all of their details.  In fact, I often wonder if I am not a bit too open about who I am and what goes on in my life.  I think everyone has a right to share only what they are comfortable with, as the internet is not necessarily a safe place when it comes to sharing personal information.  However, not giving your name and other information is entirely different from making up a whole new persona with a life that doesn’t actually exist.

Ordinarily, if someone did this, I’d think it was silly but not be especially bothered.  In this case it is a fellow expat, and when I heard about it I found myself getting increasingly agitated.   What I’ve heard is that this particular expat, like many of us, struggles quite a lot in their real life and their name, marital status, level of integration and pretty much everything else they discuss on their blog is just simply not true.

Why does this bug me, you are probably wondering?   It’s because this person writes as though they have come here and thrived in their new environment, when that is actually a complete falsehood, they are having a rough time just like anyone else.  This bothers me because there are so many expats out there who do struggle and often will look for people who understand and have been there themselves, and while this person’s blog can be a great source of information, the way in which it’s written can be very deceiving.  For the new, culture shocked, expat, it may seem as though there is something wrong with them because this person (supposedly) has breezed through as though it was no problem at all.

Don’t get me wrong, there ARE people out there who have come here and really dug in and adapted wonderfully to their life here, and I applaud them.  I think they probably have a lot to share with the rest of us and can give newcomers some great tips on how to get along here.    I know a few people who’s blogs I read regularly and wish I’d met them when I first got here.  There’s a lot I could have learned from them.

I know how humiliating it can be to come to another country and feel lost.  I get the feelings of failure that can come along with it and how it can affect every single aspect of your life.  I can also understand why people feel that this is a personal thing that they don’t want to share with the world.  Whether it’s because they don’t want to upset their family by letting them know how much harder it is than they thought, or just that it upsets them to talk about it.

What I don’t understand is the need to go drastically in the other direction and make up a life that doesn’t exist.   Not only would you be lying about who you are, which can’t feel good, but you’d be painting a completely false picture to those who read your blog and very likely use your experiences to measure themselves by.

I understand that everyone has their own ways of coping and nobody expects bloggers to tell the world who they are and where they live.  Things like the city they live in and how old they are aren’t really that important either… but I think people do expect some level of truth in the things we say.

What do you think?  Do you feel that there is a certain expectation of truth in blogging?  Would the fact that a person is blogging about specific issues make a difference in what you expect from them?   I’m curious to hear your opinions!

Related posts:

1. Blogging By Mobile
2. 30 Days of Truth: Day 11
3. 30 Days of Truth: Day 18

Yesterday was the five year anniversary of this blog.   It started out on May 2, 2004 when I was anxiously awaiting my upcoming trip to Canada.  I’d not been home in almost four years so I was long overdue.  Now here I am, five years later… looking back on it like it was just yesterday!

In the past five years a lot has changed on this site.  I’ve gone through a number of themes, changed the look endless times and went from writing in plain HTML, to Movabletype and finally WordPress, which I think I’ll be sticking with for a while.

Not just that but my feelings about the Netherlands has also changed quite drastically and not having as much to rant and complain about has made for a bit of a challenge when trying to figure out what to write.  I try to write about the more positive aspects nowadays, while still ‘keeping it real’ and being honest about the parts that still aren’t so great.

I’ve learned a lot over the years.  Mostly, what not to say.  I used to see this space as mine and mine alone, where I could say and do whatever I wanted and it was up to everyone else to suck it up or not read it.   While technically that may be true, it wasn’t exactly realistic.   In five years of maintaining this blog, it’s been a hard lesson in learning the balance between free speech and knowing when to shut my mouth and keep my thoughts to myself.

Honestly, it’s hard to believe it’s been five years… but then I say that about everything, don’t I?  I never stop being amazed by how quickly time goes by, especially since I’ve moved to the Netherlands.  This summer I’ll have been here for 10 years, that’s a scary thought when I think of how little I’ve managed to accomplish since living here.  I suspect, and hope, that the next 10 will be less difficult, less plagued with my issues and inability to adapt, and more about just enjoying life for both myself and my husband.

I do have a few regrets, things I wish I’d handled better, not ranted about or perhaps had taken a minute to think about before saying.   Unfortunately, I can’t change any of it now, all I can do is try to learn from it and not make the same mistakes in the future.   That said, a lot of good has come from this blog too.  Not just for me, but for other expats as well.

I met my best friend because her husband found my blog and told her about it.

I met most of my other friends the same way.

I’ve gotten many messages from other expats expressing how happy they were to find my blog, and how good it feels for them to know they aren’t alone in their struggles here.

I think I’ve also been able to be a bit of an example.  Not in the way you might think I mean that.  I would never consider myself to be an example of how to do anything in regards to coming here and making a life for yourself.   Rather, I am an example of how NOT to do it.   A lot of my 10 years has been wasted due to my stubbornness and inability to adapt.  Again, not something I can change, but I can try to urge other people to take action earlier and if need be, get some help with it.   Sitting around being bitter and angry, which I admit I still do at times, just less frequently… is going to do more harm than good.  Another lesson I had to learn the hard way, and don’t wish for any of my fellow expats.

A lot of my time now is spent trying to undo the damage all those years of fighting life here has caused, which makes my progress here still slower than it should be.  If I knew in the beginning the things I know now, I would have done things so much differently.   Hopefully being honest about my bad times as well as the good will urge other people who are new to the Netherlands not to follow in my footsteps, but to grab the world by the balls and do all they can to not just cope, but thrive, in their new surroundings.

So here I am, 5 years older (ugh, 34th birthday coming up on Friday), a little bit wiser, 2147 posts and 227,439 visitors later… still here, still writing and more in love with my Dutchie than ever (9 year anniversary next Tuesday).

To those of you who have been following me over the years, thanks!  Your comments and the friendships I’ve made as a result of writing this blog (you know who you are!) have made such a massive difference in my life and my level of happiness.  Much love!

Related posts:

1. Canadutch Goes Live!
2. Nine Years and Still Kickin’!
3. 14 Years Already?!