Ok, so as I mentioned in my post about my latest visit to the Doc the one thing he did agree to do was to send me to get x-rays of my foot.   I’d stepped on one of the dogs toys months ago and my foot has been bothering me since.  After squeezing around my pinky toe for a while and hitting the right spot, he pretty much had to peel me off the ceiling.  His opinion was that since there was nothing broken and it being so tender in that one particular spot, that I injured the joint and it was getting inflamed.   He gave me a shot of cortisone into the joint in hopes that it would give the joint a chance to heal.  If it isn’t feeling significantly better after two weeks, he will give me a follow up shot to give it some more time.

Now for the interesting part.  While I was there to get the shot, which I had been DREADING as I didn’t want to see him again after my previous experience, he asked if I had a chance to think about our conversation.   I told him that I had thought about it and that I didn’t agree with him.  I basically explained what I said in my post where I explained it here.

I think he must have either been feeling bad, or maybe his wife (partner in the practice and the doctor I see most often) gave him a kick in the arse.   In any case he was much more friendly and seemed to think that we had some kind of miscommunication.   In the beginning I was of the opinion that I couldn’t really imagine what miscommunication would make a doctor say something like that, but I shut up and listened to him.

He had us in his office for 30-40 minutes talking and sort of hashing it all out, and in the end he sent me for blood work to check my cholesterol, blood sugar, thyroid, kidney and liver.  I have to phone on Monday to find out the results of those.

He is also giving me a referral to see a dermatologist that specializes in hair loss, which makes me very happy.  My hair has been thinning out quite drastically over the past 3-4 years (especially around the crown) and it’s gotten to the point where I’m completely paranoid and angry about it.  Also frustrated by the fact that nobody would or could help me.   I’m hoping that this doctor will at least be able to stop it from falling out more, even if they can’t make what is gone grow back.   When I was having the fertility issues my gynecologist sent me to a dermatologist at the same hospital where she was, but all he did was look at my head and say “Yes, you are losing your hair.”  Well, no shit Sherlock!   He said there was nothing he could do, didn’t explain why it was falling out or if it would continue to do so.   Hopefully the new dermatologist will have the answers to those questions… please keep your fingers crossed for me with that!

So, that’s the update on my doctor situation.  I don’t know if I caught him on a bad day the last time or what, but it was a total turnaround when I saw him on Thursday.   My crappy appointment was at 4:40pm on a Friday, so maybe that had something to do with it.   I got him at the very end of his week and he was in a crappy mood?  Not really an excuse for such insensitive treatment but I guess we all have our moments.

I was told (by my therapist after explaining the episode at the doctor) that it’s possible to have more than one doctor, and that it’s entirely up to me who I see for what issues.  So while I am going to give my current doctors another chance, I may still look into this International clinic in Den Haag.   I’m quite curious to see what their opinion would be on our fertility issues.

I’ll keep ya’s posted!

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Over the years my hair has been getting shorter and shorter.  Mostly because my patience for long hair has been becoming shorter and shorter too!  In the winter months it’s fine but in the summer I hate having a lot of hair.   My hair is really fine so it tangles easily, and I just get too warm with it all hanging down around me.

I’m quickly learning that what I like the look of doesn’t always jive with what I can manage or deal with when it comes to hair.

A few years ago my hair looked like this.  I loved having such long hair as it was the first time in my life I’d ever grown it that long, but it was a nightmare to manage.   I would have to stand in the shower for ages combing conditioner through it after I washed it and even then it was a pain in the arse to comb through afterwards.  

This photo was also a rarity because I almost never wore it loose like this.   Most of the time it was in a ponytail or tied up in some weird twisted knot to keep the long warm ponytail from hanging down my back.

After gradually cutting it higher and higher up my back (which I never did bother to take photos of) I reached the above the shoulder stage, which seemed hellishly short to me at the time…

After having had such long hair for so long, this seemed like nothing to me!  I felt so light and my hair was so much easier to deal with. 

I was a happy camper.

Of course, we always adjust and adapt and forget how things used to be.

Plus, then I got glasses, and this brought on a whole new issue. 

The issue of the ear tuckage.  Where there once only used to be hair there was now the arms of glasses and that started to get to be too much behind my little ears.   I tried and tried to train myself not to tuck my hair behind my ears, but as you see in both of these photos, it wasn’t working.

Perhaps a new hairstyle that would look crap if tucked might help…

That’s when the short in the back, long in the front, layered haircut came along.

I really loved this one. 

That is, until Posh Spice ruined it on me and had everyone on the planet getting the same hairstyle.

I looked like a Posh Spice wannabe, only without the Anorexia!  Argh.

Another problem was that regardless of how crap it looked, the ear tucking continued.   Also, I now had the problem of my hair being too short and odd shaped to tie back, but too long to leave down when doing things that involved sweating… like, going to the gym or in my case, pretty much any movement at all. 

I’ve kept that hairstyle for a long time.  Longer than any other I think… but for the last few months I’ve been trying to decide between letting it grow long again so it can be tied back when I need to.  Even though it would drive me nuts… or cutting it short and risking looking like a big fat lesbian.

I decided I’d cut it short and just kiss my husband in public a lot.

This is fresh out of the shower.  It’s not REALLY so 40 year old mother of two looking when you see it for real.   Ok maybe it is, but I hope to remedy that by getting some hair products and freaking it up a bit.   Not sure how that’s going to go though, seeing as the hairspray I have in my bathroom at the moment is about 5 years old, 3/4 full and has gotten all clogged up so it shoots in one hard line.   If that gives you any idea on how often I DO my DO.

Whatever, who the hell do I need to impress anyway?  My husband and mother said they love it, even though I’m pretty sure would say that even if I had a steaming pile of horse shit on my head.   They are just that kind and loving.   Also because they both know how expensive extensions are.

I wonder if this is the end though, because I’m already wondering what it’d be like to have one of those super super short haircuts.  I’d probably not be satisfied then either, and end up wondering what it would be like to just go completely bald.  Oh man that’d be sweet!

Of course, then I’d look like a skinhead lesbian and I don’t know if even my own husband would be willing to kiss me in public to disprove that!

I’ll stick with this for now, I guess.  At the moment I’m feeling like it looks pretty crap, but I must admit, it sure is comfortable!

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On the other hand it could fuck up completely and I’ll have to shave my head but at least it’ll be cool for summer!

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Xander sent me a message this morning on MSN:

Blasphemer says:
http://www.nu.nl/news/750071/74/Hittegolf_verwacht_in_Nederland.html
Breigh says:
what’s a hittegolf?

I went to the link to read the article and as I read through it, the meaning of hittegolf became more and more clear. While I didn’t understand what that particular word meant, I understood almost everything else in the article.

Breigh says:
it doesn’t mean what I think it means does it
Blasphemer says:
what do you think it means?
Breigh says:
heatwave
Blasphemer says:
you’re correct!!! *DING DING*
Breigh says:
fuck
Breigh says:
it’s going to be above 30?
Blasphemer says:
yeah
Blasphemer says:
that’s what a heatwave is, 3 days with temps over 30C
Breigh says:
double fuck

You see, in the Netherlands it doesn’t just get hot when it gets hot, but it gets humid too. When I say humid I don’t just mean humid, I mean you can see the air hanging in front of you, blink and you break into a sweat, everything is sticky humid… and that’s something this fat little Canadian girl doesn’t like.

While my parents were here I went and got a haircut. Over the last year or so I’ve slowly been working my way to shorter hair, going from bum length, to just above my waist, halfway down my back and now finally, shoulder length. I got the haircut last month because I wanted to save myself the aggrivation of having this blanket of hair all summer, which has never helped with the above mentioned heat and humidity. (If only it were that easy to remove the fat too, bleh!)

Now that it’s getting warmer I realized it really hasn’t made that much difference. While my hair isn’t all down my back it’s still all on my neck and making me want it in a ponytail all the time. So why not just have it properly short? I’ll tell you why, or at least why I haven’t had short hair since I was a teenager… because in my insanity I’ve always felt weird about cutting my hair short since being here in NL and gaining all this extra weight. I’m worried that I’ll end up looking like one of those people in Beetle Juice, ya know? A great big body and this teeeeeny tiny little head!!!

Now, in light of the upcoming Hitlergolf, I officially don’t care.

Breigh says:
I’m so cutting the rest of my hair off
Breigh says:
we need to prepare
Blasphemer says:
at least 3 days and at least 30C
Breigh says:
get the fan out
Blasphemer says:
hahahaha
Breigh says:
get the screen door for the kitchen door so we can leave it open at night
Breigh says:
make icecubes
Blasphemer says:
“we need to prepare” you make it sound like we’ve got a nuclear war coming
Breigh says:
we might, if we don’t prepare
Blasphemer says:
hahahahahaha
Blasphemer says:
pff, not like you’ll have the energy to run fter me anyway
Blasphemer says:
not at 30C
Breigh says:
Tripple fuck
Blasphemer says:
where did the 3rd fuck come from?
Breigh says:
realizing that there’s no way in hell I’d catch you

So I’ve decided, I’m going to cut my hair short and risk the Beetle Juice look. Shit, I’ll even tolerate looking like a raging lesbian, if that’s how it turns out (don’t ask me why, big women with really short hair always look like lesbians to me, I’m going to hell). I will keep you posted on the outcome of that, with pics even … if I don’t totally hate it, I mean.

Now on to other news:

WOOOOOOT!!! Xander passed his driving exam!!

I’m so happy I could pee myself!! I’m so proud of him!!!

One of the worst things for me here in NL has been not having access to a car and soon we will HAVE ONE!!!!!!!!! FREEEEEEEEDOMMMMMM!!!!!

I learned to drive when I was 16 and have always loved driving. There is nothing more theraputic than a nice drive, windows down, music on, singing badly and knowing nobody can hear you anyway. *sigh* Damn, do I miss that… Xander has never really missed it because he’s never had it. All his life he’s lived places where he could get anywhere he wanted to go by public transit so he doesn’t really get how different life can be when you have one. Hopefully within the next 2 months or so he’ll know!

I will take a few lessons and get my license as well once we have a car. My Canadian DL has long since expired and wasn’t valid to drive here in NL anyway, so I have to do all that stuff the Dutch have to do in order to get their license. Silly (and expensive!!) if you ask me… after driving for almost 15 years.

No more carrying groceries all the way home..
No more ridiculous delivery fees when buying something too big to take on a bus…
No more hot, stinky train rides to and from the beach…
No more only seeing where public transit can take me…

Finally, we will have indepenence and freedom … I CAN’T WAIT!!!!

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If it looks like there is a dent across my hair, that’s because I put it in a ponytail when it wasn’t totally dry.

This morning I said enough is enough and made an appointment to get it cut. I wasn’t sure how much I was going to get cut off though. When I got there I decided to go about half way. My hair was down to my butt so I thought I’d get it cut to about bra strap length which would be about halfway down my back. It ended up a little shorter than that but it’s ok. I also had some long layers cut into it but that’s not all that noticable. It feels so weird now! Almost a foot cut off and my ponytail seems so short! I will maybe go a bit shorter next time and then let it grow out a bit over the winter.. or who knows, maybe I’ll keep it shorter.

The good thing about having it shorter is that if I wanted I could make my hair black and get some wacky colored extensions (omg I could have my purple back!). I could never have extensions before because they didn’t even make them as long as my hair. That’s what lead to the massive bleaching which lead to the death of my hair.

I still have a while to go before all the not-so healthy hair is gone, and boy is it going to be weird not getting and crazy colors done. I really love that :( Back to my old mousy brown for me for a while. Well, after this black and red grows out I mean.

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There went that idea.. So I decided to go for red again.

I didn’t go totally red, just black with some red in it like I did with the purple. I have to take it easy on my hair from now on though, because it’s starting to show signs of being messed with so much. I’ll have to let this all grow out before I start dying again.. that should only take ohhh, two years or something.

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Today is the first day of my proper Dutch classes. I’m nervous! I feel like I used to on the first day of school when I was a kid. Well, to be honest I was always nervous even when I would go to the first day in Uni. It was always a nervous excitement though, rather than a “oh my god I’m going to end up on the toilet all day” nervous. (I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome.. it happens). I’ll be so happy if I get there and some people speak English. Like, not just happy but overjoyed. Otherwise I guess I just go and do my thing and hope to make some friends once we all speak Dutch.

It’s hard watching the people from other nationalities all hooking up and getting to know each other when there is nobody for me to get to know. The problem (according to my “case worker”) is that Americans and Canadians are exempt from this program. It’s only the other countries that are forced to do this. That’s why whenever I go to anything like this it’s just Turkish, African, Chinese and every other nationality. For some reason they think that Canadians and Americans can get along on their own and don’t need any help integrating. The only reason I am in the classes is because I went and asked to be. The people I’ll be taking them with were forced.

I found this sort of strange, and I told my case worker that. I mean all these people from from these countries, some are pretty underdeveloped. They come here to make a better life for themselves and their family. They try hard, learn the language and integrate faster than ANY native English speaker I’ve met, simply because it’s not as easy for them as it is for us. Mostly everyone in Holland speaks English and they make it very easy for us to be lazy about learning Dutch. Not to mention that North Americans are far far less adaptable than people from other countries. We grow up knowing things our own way. You an travel for hours upon hours in any given direction and the biggest difference you’ll find between yourself and the people you see along the way are accents.

In Europe it’s different.. we can travel for a few hours and end up in a place with an entirely different language and culture. They grow up exposed to this and grow up a lot more flexible than we do. If you ask me it’s US that should be forced to take this program. I sure as heck wish someone had made me do it in the start, who knows what our lives might be like now.

Anyway, on to other news. Xander and I have been in negotiations for the last day or so, about our computers. I’ve grown bored with SWG already and am pretty sure I’m going to stop gaming again for good. I just totally lost the lust for it and think I’d rather get back to some of my other hobbies like cross stitching or maybe painting. Something that I have something to show for my time. Sure in the games I have characters and have made some decent money off them in the past but, I don’t know.. I’ve outgrown it somehow.

Xander needs some computers to do testing on for something or other (I don’t ask, he just confuses me) and I’m still reeling about that damn webcam. I really wanted to have one just for fun and to be able to be on it for my parents sometimes. So what we’re thinking of is Xander will take my gaming computer and use it for his testing and in return will give me the Compaq laptop which I can use for my torrents and for the webcam when I want to use it. Seems like a pretty sweet deal, plus then I don’t have that monster 21 inch monitor hogging all the space on my desk. We can put that back in the bedroom for watching Divx. I don’t know why I’m hesitant, seems stupid to hang on to that really great computer if I’m not going to really use it. I’ll probably go for it.

Three sleeps until we go to the Gyno for the results of our tests.. I think that’s definately going to be the other kind of nervous day. *Groans*

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Ok, time out. It’s 10:14 now and I got sidetracked.

Xander and I biked over to my doctor this morning to go pick up the papers for our tests. I guess they’re called fertility tests. God who ever though I’d be having those, I’m feeling so old. Anyway, while we were there I noticed the hairdresser next door and decided to stop in and ask them about my hair. They are quite a bit cheaper but for what I want done I have to aslo buy this hair paint stuff I have to wash my hair with to keep the purple vibrant. So it comes up to about 30 euros cheaper or something. That’s with this bottle of stuff which I’ll only have to buy once. So the upkeep should be MUCH cheaper. Anyway, this is why I started petsitting, so I could have spare money for these kinds of things without feeling guilty about spending money that should go to other things. I need a chaaaange. So, I go next Thursday for the big change! I’m so excited!

We went to the beach again this weekend, to Hoek van Holland. Xander and I thought we’d be really clever this time, after having to walk forever to get to the beach last time. We took our bikes! It was a little bit of a pain getting the bikes on and off the trains and stuff but we figured it would pay off once we got there and we could get to the beach in just a few minutes. When we got off the train at Hoek van Holland, this little blue train was waiting to take people right up to the beach. I stopped dead in my tracks and said “you’ve GOT to be kidding me!” The guy wasn’t there the last time! argh! Anyway it was nice to go biking around the beach though, so I wasn’t too fussed, and it was still way better than all those people walking along in the heat. We had a great day swimming and lazing around in the sun. The water was quite bit colder than it was a few weeks ago but we still got in there. I love the beach sooooo much.

Another example of how stupid people can be.. Today I was on irc talking to some friends about my appointment at the hospital for our tests (September 23rd). One of the guys messaged me telling me that he’ll keep his fingers crossed for us that everything is ok. He wasn’t aware that Xander and I were trying to get pregnant so I told him about it. I explained that we’ve been trying for almost a year, and that I had a miscarriage back in March. He went on to tell me how much he loves children and how he can relate because he and his ex-girlfriend had gone through 3 (yes THREE) abortions. This boggled my mind, how someone could compare me losing a pregnancy to their terminating three. He went on to tell me how traumatizing it was for them, but I couldn’t help but scoff and ask if it was so traumatizing, why did it happen twice more? Anyway I won’t go into too much about what was said but I was not impressed in the least. What kind of person has 3 abortions by the time they are 20 years old? How do they not learn from their mistakes? WHY is this not kept track of by their doctors or the insurance/welfare systems to not allow this kind of behavior?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against the idea of abortion. I can understand that people get themselves into situations that they feel this is their only option. One abortion, fine.. people make mistakes, that’s forgivable. When people abuse it and use it as an alternate form of birth control, that gets my back up. I say after the first one, if it happens again.. sterilize them or make them PAY for the procedure. Stop making it so damn easy! Ok sterilization may be extreme, but really.. do we want these people to continue breeding? I sure as hell don’t.

Oh well, may their ovaries shrivel up and fall out, I say. Greedy, immature, selfish, irresponsible twits. Oh, and may he never be able to achieve an erection again… seeing as the men are hardly innocent in these situations. No pity.

Jeez it’s 12:49 in the afternoon now. Takes me ages to actually get around to writing these blogs. haha

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Oh! I remember one!! Ok, I got another good blast of “You never REALLY know who you are talking to” the other day. Although I guess you could say it goes for real life as well rather than just on the internet. The other night I was chatting with a friend, just gabbing about various online communities we share and people we know in common. During the conversation I learned one of the most horrific things I have heard in a long time.

I’m really trying to think how to word this but I’m just going to come out with it. (By the way I would never even mention this if I didn’t trust the source 100%). There is a very beautiful and intelligent woman, who many men lust after on a daily basis who shares a community with me online. To be honest I’ve been very envious of her in the past… I’ve read her website and seen her pictures and thought “Wow! I wish I looked like that, I wish I had her attitude!”. Not long ago I spoke with someone who knows her very well, and she had confided in this person that she has herpes, genital herpes. Apparently this isn’t much of a problem for her as the virus hasn’t really ravaged her body as it does with some others. Sadly, this was passed on to her by a former lover who showed no remorse when he found out what he had done. Sad huh? I bet you feel sorry for her. Yeah, well DON’T! Apparently she sees this as giving her some sort of right to do the same to others. Yes, that’s right.. this woman has sex with men without telling them about having the virus. Not only that but she refuses to wear condoms with them. Her answer to why she does it? “Well, someone did it to me”. Isn’t this one of the scariest thoughts you can imagine? Here is this stunning woman who seems to have everything going for her, she has men falling at her feet everywhere she goes, and the entire time she’s keeping this secret. She sees absolutely no fault in what she’s doing and sees it as no big deal.

When I heard this I was absolutely stunned!! What kind of monster knowingly has unprotected sex with people (and I’m sure this lady has no problem finding partners) and infects them with this horrible disease!?! I honestly don’t know how she can live with herself and it disgusts me that people like this can walk around in our society undetected. Why, I’d love nothing more than to show her website here and warn everyone, but believe me it isn’t her privacy I’m protecting, rather the trust of the friend who told me this information.

Yeah, so moral of the story? No matter HOW good someone looks or how cool you think they are, there could always be that little something you don’t know. Scary, huh? People like her should either be dragged by the hair to the square and stoned to death, or in prison. Not out banging unsuspecting dummies who are too hot for her to object to her riding bareback.

So on a lighter note, I’m still completely trigger happy with my camera and it seems the most interesting subjects I can find around the house are my pets. I absolutely love the pic I took of Salem’s eyes. I’ve always found them to be so striking and finally I got him to sit still long enough for me to get a nice pic. It took a lot of “PSSSSSSSST CHHHHA CHHHHHA TOOOOT WHEEE” noises to get him to stare at me long enough to get the pic. Of course, now I have the pic and my cat thinks I’m completely spastic. Oh I’ve also been taking some videos if you want to see them. Oh and before you say anything, my turtle’s water is not dirty! It’s just the light, and the stuff floating at the top is food. :P

Tonight I finally caved in and decided to hook up my gaming computer. I figure it’s about time I tested it. When I took it apart it was like this grand step towards my “new life”, making sure that I wasn’t too busy gaming to start getting the ball rolling for my Dutch lessons etc. Now that I have that, and my little petsitting business underway I think it’s time that I see if gaming can be a healthy hobby for me now. I’ve missed it over the past 5-6 months but have been too afraid to game again for fear of getting hooked and losing track of real life again. I think it will be ok though, I just have to keep my priorities straight. Although one of the priorities should be dusting more, jesus every time we change anything around in this house I end up amazed by the dust bunnies hiding under and around things. I swear, I was so not born to be a housewife.. I really suck at it.

I have been talking to my friend Theressa about starting aqua aerobics. She looked into it and found out that they have it a few times a week at the pool right behind her house, which is an easy bus ride from me, so I think we’re going to go for it. I have missed swimming and my trips to the beach last month really made me not want to stop again. So this will be fun for me to do 1-2 nights a week throughout the winter. Plus, I’ll get exercise and maybe even meet some people. I hope it’s ok to swim a little before/after the aerobics and just arse around in the water a little.

I’ve also been thinking about changing my hair for the winter. I’ve had red hair now for about a year and while I like it, I’m itching for a change. The last few times I’ve gone to get my hair done I saw this girl that worked there. She has black hair with blue bits in it, I say bits because I’m not sure what to call it, it’s not streaks.. more like chunks. Anyhow I have seriously been thinking about going black and purple. I love purple, and I love black and I feel like a change for my hair. I sort of worry that I’ll look like some wanna be goth chickie but I don’t really give a shit. It’s what I like. I don’t want to damage my hair too much either with all the dye. Oh well, we’ll see.

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I’ve been starting to get addicted to reading other people’s blogs. It’s so interesting how they all differ. Some people just write little blobs of text, other people (like me) are really wordy and just talk a whole lot about nothing. Some people use their blog as a place to totally geek out, others are all about the drama using their blogs back and forth to tell each other off. I must admit I find some of them pretty boring though, especially the geeky ones but that could just be because I don’t know wtf they are talking about half the time.

Oh omg! haha Xander found the funniest website. He wrote about it on his blog and it really cracks me up. I have to put it on here too because it’s just as funny as hell. I’m sure when Saddam was up to his old tricks he never imagined that he’d be the laughing stock today. Ah well! I bet I’d find stuff like this even more funny if I actually followed world news and knew more about Saddam and the other asswipes plaguing the earth nowadays. Maybe I should start reading the papers, watching the news.. but man, like I need more things to complain about! TIGER CLAW!!

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