Before you click play, be warned, there is swearing and sexual content.  If you are a prude or are easily offended, time to move along.

Now that I got the disclaimer out of the way… BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  *Deep Breath* TEEEEEEHEHEHEHE  *Doubles over*  Oh my god, I’m never going to look at Baze the same again.  Neverrrr, in my mind he’ll always be dry humping a mailbox.

I’m a HUGE fan of the new show Life Unexpected and am currently hoping and praying that it doesn’t get canceled.  I’m praying, people… and I’m not even religious.  That will tell you how much I love this show.

Here’s a trailer for my expat homies here in the Netherlands who haven’t heard of this show yet.  I got your back!

See? I told you it was awesome, have you started the downloads yet?  If you are torrently challenged here is a link where you can watch it streaming online.  Now you have no excuses.

Anyway, Baze is one of my favorite parts, one of many favorite parts mind you, but possibly my most favorite.

How will I ever look at him the same after this?

How will I ever look at a spoon the same after this?

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3. Life, and all that shit…

Remember years ago when I posted about Fox News trashing the Netherlands?  Then later about the Dutchie’s response to the ridiculous babblings of Bill O’Reilly?  I don’t think it’s any secret that I think Bill O’Reilly is a complete douche, nor do I think it’s an unpopular opinion.  He’s a blow hard who hears nothing but his own voice, and it infuriates me when he mouths off about the Netherlands.

Today I watched the above video and the first thing I thought was, SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE has got to get this guy on a show to face off with Bill O’Reilly!  That is, if Bill would let him get a word in edgewise.  From what I can tell, his tactic is to just speak over and interrupt anyone who happens to make an ounce of sense.

Like how he tried to squash the points this teenager made when standing up to Bill about his own hypocrisy.  Not that it worked, anyone could see that this kid does his homework.

Anyway, I think Judge Gray makes some very valid points in regards to drugs and how to properly deal with them, marijuana especially.  In the end of the video he comments on the Netherlands and how they’ve dealt with it over here, quoting the Minister of Health of the Netherlands as saying “We have succeeded in making pot boring”.   It’s true!  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, and anyone who lives here will agree: It’s not the Dutch that are keeping the coffee shops in business here, it’s the tourists.

I think seeing this guy and Bill O’Reilly together somewhere on neutral ground would be fantastic.  Not only would Bill be matched (who are we kidding, far outweighed) in intelligence and knowledge of the actual facts, but I don’t think Judge Gray is someone who would allow himself to be bullied.

Such a pity it will never happen.  I should write a letter to Oprah… or, since this is Bill O’Reilly we’re talking about, perhaps I should contact Jerry Springer instead.

By the way, if you enjoy watching Bill get owned as much as I do, there is an entire playlist dedicated to it on YouTube.

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One of the things from my 101 List that I’ve been most keen to do is start riding my bike again.  I’ve not ridden my bike in the last number of years because I never found it comfortable.  To put it bluntly, I’ve been too fat and self-conscious.

We bought it about 5 years ago because I wanted to join the ranks of the Dutchies and start making the bike my main mode of transportation around the neighbourhood for my daily errands.  I also wanted to go on bike rides with my husband because it’s something he really enjoys.  He used to cycle 40kms a day on his mountain bike and he really would have loved for us to ride together.  We started going for bike rides and I did enjoy it somewhat, but I found it very hard.  I got tired quickly, it was the dead of summer and I quickly grew frustrated with my lack of endurance.

It also didn’t help that I felt like I looked like one of those cartoon elephants riding around on a tricycle.  It’s amazing what your brain does to you when you are overweight and insecure. 

I still feel like that a little, which is why there is no photo of me actually on the bike yet.  Maybe by the end of the summer I’ll feel confident enough to share that.

Anyhow, today we finally dug the bike out of the storage room!  The tires were flatter than a pancake, it was covered in dust, my saddlebags were ass-ways and crooked from being shoved in amongst all our junk, and it was looking pitiful and unloved.

My husband raised the handlebars for me, fixed the seat, pumped the tires and made a number of adjustments to make it a better fit than it was was before.   I rode about 20 circles in our parking lot to make sure it was just right and then we went back in the house for breakfast.

It looked like it was going to rain but I hoped it would hold off as I wanted to ride the bike to my physio appointment at 1pm.  It wasn’t far but it would make a good ‘maiden voyage’.  Close enough for me to walk the bike home if something was wrong but far enough for me to feel like I was getting a little ride in.

My ass still hurt after I was on it for a few minutes.
My legs still burned a bit to let me know I’m still out of shape and need to continue with the weight loss.
My arms wobbled, leaving me in fear of swerving into a parked car or tipping over when I was trying to turn.
I came frighteningly close to falling over each time I stuck my arm out to signal where I was going.
My heart pounded as I maneuvered intersections and hoped to god I wasn’t going the wrong way at the wrong time.
I made it…there and back… alive!

What’s even better? I enjoyed it!  I know that list would make it sound like it was dreadful, but it wasn’t.  I loved being able to get somewhere that quick ON MY OWN.  Not relying on anyone to drive me, not having to follow the schedule of public transit or take the time to walk.  I felt free and it was awesome.

I also loved taking off my little basket and going in the grocery store.  I know it sounds silly but I enjoyed it.  Call me crazy!

It’s not a fancy bike, it’s not an incredibly strong bike, and it’s definitely not an expensive bike… but it’s mine.  It manages to carry me and my remaining blubber around and for that I’m grateful.  Grateful enough to name it Sheldon the Wonder Fiets, after my favorite puny, quirky and hilarious TV character Sheldon from my beloved show,  The Big Bang Theory.

Oh, and for the non-Dutchies, Fiets is Dutch for bike.

So my plan is to start riding for short periods now while it’s still cool, hopefully build up some endurance and lose more weight so that when the summer comes I can bike for enjoyment and go along with my husband on longer rides just for the fun of it.  Ya know, without feeling like I’m about to die.

I’ll keep ya’s posted!

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If you haven’t been following Shit My Dad Says on Twitter up until now, you’ve been missing out, it’s one of my favorite Twitter feeds by far.   It’s some of the funniest stuff I’ve read in a while, and from the first time I saw it, I thought THIS WOULD MAKE A GREAT SITCOM! There’s nothing funnier than a guy with a grouchy old dad who says funny shit on TV.  Who was funnier than the dad in Everybody Loves Raymond?

If you don’t know what the story is, it’s basically just like it says in the photo.  Justin lives with his 73 year old dad who says so much funny shit, he felt the need to share it on Twitter.   Over the past months he’s racked up over 1 million followers and is now about to see none other than DENNY CRANE (or Captain Kirk if you’re nasty) bringing his dear ol’ dad’s famous one liners to televisions screens everywhere.

If you don’t know who Denny Crane is, you are also missing out.  Check out this video for a small example.

I think if anyone is able to play a cynical old man who lets whatever comes in his mind roll off his tongue, it’s William Shatner.  His role of Denny Crane alone proves that.  I’m a big fan of his and am really excited that he’s getting another show. I’ve missed him since Boston Legal went off the air.

The scoop according to ONTD:

Twitter sensation Shit My Dad Says is becoming a TV pilot with William Shatner set to play the larger-than-life dad at the center of it.

The casting of Shatner lifts the contingency on CBS’ multicamera family comedy project based on the Twitter account, which has enlisted more than 1.16 million followers since launching in August and has made its creator, Justin Halpern, an Internet star.

The pilot, executive produced by “Will & Grace” creators David Kohan and Max Mutchnick, was originally set up at CBS with a script commitment in November. Now, with Shatner on board, it has been greenlighted to pilot.

Halpern co-penned the script with Patrick Schumacker. Halpern and Schumacker co-exec produce the Warner Bros. TV-produced project.

Halpern, 29, had moved back in with his parents in San Diego, and on Aug. 3 he launched Shit My Dad Says, a Twitter feed featuring colorful — often profane — comments made by his 73-year-old father during their daily conversations.

Shatner most recently starred on ABC’s legal dramedy “Boston Legal,” winning an Emmy for playing Denny Crane.

He also won an Emmy for playing the character in a guest tint to “Boston Legal’s” predecessor, “The Practice.”

Have you been following Justin on Twitter? Are you a fan? Will you be tuning in to check out the pilot?

I know I will be. I’m eagerly awaiting this one!

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Out of the blue a few days ago I started humming the theme song to The Littlest Hobo.  When I told my husband about it he had never heard of the show so I started singing the tune to him.  Then today I saw my friend Gail posted a video with the same tune.   Most of you probably have no idea what it is, but if you were a child in the 70’s and 80’s in Canada, this will probably tug at your heartstrings the same as it does mine.

I can’t imagine a child out there who didn’t love The Littlest Hobo.  I know I definitely did.

Then yesterday I was talking with my friend Heather when she brought up Little House on the Prairie, yet another of my childhood faves!  I have always been a huge fan of Michael Landon, who I still consider to be one of the greatest TV stars of all times. 

So handsome, so talented… *sigh*  I literally weeped when he died.   I’m sure I’m not the only one.  I gather he was a bit of a heartthrob!  Thinking of him brought on an entirely new set of memories…

Would could forget him as Little Joe Cartwright in Bonanza??

Then of course, the role most people of our generation will remember him for, playing Charles Ingalls in Little House, based on the books by the real Laura Ingalls Wilder.

Finally, another favorite of mine and his last major role, Jonathan Smith in Highway to Heaven.  Big ups to Victor French too for this one.

I honestly don’t know anyone who had such major and classic roles in television as Michael Landon.  Back in the day when TV shows were less about shock value and more about just honest to goodness family entertainment.  I miss that sometimes.

Heather and I also got to talking about Anne of Green Gables.  Quite possibly one of my favorite stories of all time. No wait, it’s definitely my favorite story of all time, there is no doubt.   I first saw the movies as a child and was completely enamored with Anne (WITH AN E), her Kindred Spirit Diana Barry, her darling Matthew and even Marilla with her strict but loving ways.   I grew up dreaming of having a Gilbert Blythe of my own, but happy to love hers in the meantime.   Always wondering why everyone thought Anne was so ugly because I personally thought Megan Follows was beautiful in the film, even with her short hair.

How could anyone not just love the chemistry between them and not watch it again and again… and again and then one or two more times?!

Ok not an opening theme, but that’s not going to cover how magical the story of Anne and Gilbert was, now is it?  I so totally cried just watching that.  Don’t judge.

Who am I kidding.  I STILL love him!  I’ll also be marathon watching the Anne movies tomorrow, you can bet your ass on that.

It would be wrong of me to not give Road to Avonlea an honorable mention here.  While I did watch it and enjoy it, it was never came close to the OMG FAVE status of Anne of Green Gables or Little House on the Prairie.  It was still a lovely family show though.

Aaaah, I am so nostalgic right now.  I think if I ever had a child, a little girl especially, I would buy box sets of all these shows for them to watch.  There aren’t enough heart warming TV shows with good messages out there anymore, and that is such a pity.

There are other shows I would have added, but I’ve already spoken about them in the past.

Like FAME in I’m Gonna Live Forever!
Also, The Facts of Life in You Take the Good, You Take the Bad…

What shows make you all nostalgic?! 

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It’s like when you meet a new guy and he seems perfect in every way, you are completely enamored.  That is, until that one time you are early for a date and catch him picking his nose… or that one time when he had the heinous breath.  You want to forget it ever happened, you want him to be perfect again, but you just can’t forget.  Now every time you kiss him you breathe through your mouth, and when he tries to get romantic and feed you strawberries, your insides wobble because all you can think of are the traces of booger left on his finger.

That’s how I feel about Glee, and here’s why…

First, for those of you who haven’t heard of Glee yet (seriously?!), I’ll show you a preview so you don’t get lost.

Now, lets get down to the nitty gritty.  What do I not like about this show?

One of my biggest annoyances is the teacher, Mr. Schuester.  Ok, he’s cute-ish and he was probably a good choice for the teacher, but why do they have to make him so… lame? 

Not only is he not bright enough to figure out that his wife, THAT HE LIVES WITH, is not even pregnant but the dude doesn’t even act his age.  It’s like he’s stuck in a dream world where he’s still one of the kids.   Whenever he does one of his routines I want to stand up and scream…

YOU ARE NOT JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!!!!!

Then there’s this guy, Finn. His big storyline is that he’s being accused of having fathered the baby of one of the cheerleaders… BY PREMATURELY EJACULATING IN A HOT TUB! 

I know those little fellas can swim but they aren’t like heat seeking missiles.  The guy is like 17 years old, surely he knows more about the birds and the bees than that.  It’s like he just doesn’t have brain, it’s all air up there.  He wanders around doing what he’s told with this blank look on his face.  It bugs me.

He’s just to stupid and easily manipulated for me to like.

The wife (Mrs. Schuester) also gets all over my last nerve.  I loved this actress back in her days on Boston Public but between her stint on Nip / Tuck and now this, I’m so over her and her crazy psycho bitch characters.  Obviously, she’s made to play this kind of role because she’s GOOD at it, I mean, really good!  That doesn’t mean she doesn’t get under my skin though.

… and this fake baby story, oh good lord, enough already!

I’m hoping that her Justin Timberlake wannabe husband will catch on, divorce her and marry the guidance counselor – SOON!

Then there are the irrelevant characters that they keep trying to make storylines for but really don’t matter at all.  Fake-Stuttering Asian girl, wheelchair boy, weird tall Asian dude, the cheerios and the rest… don’t try to make up stories to make them seem important, they are background, just leave them be.  We don’t care about them.

Now, there’s one I am on the fence about at the moment.  I used to love him but for some reason over the last episode or two, I’m turning my nose up at him…

Yeah, it’s Kurt, and before you hog tie me and burn me at the stake, I said I’m on the fence!!  There is still love there, but I think I’m just having a bit of Kurt overload lately and the recent thing with him and the makeover made me want to punch him and make him squeal. 

I loved his storyline about coming out to his dad, I love his quirks and overall personality, and I love what he brings to the show.  So I probably will fall back on the love side of the fence again, I just hope they don’t keep this bitchy queen business up with him for long.

Plus, him doing Single Ladies and getting  the football team to do it too will always earn him much love. 

On the plus side, there are some things I really like about this show.  I like some of the storylines, I like the singing and dancing and I like that some of the funny bits really make me laugh like mental.

I really like Rachel Berry, for example!  Although I suspect she probably irritates the bejesus out of other people, I think she’s funny as hell.  She’s cute, she can sing like a bandit and she makes me laugh.

I’m hoping that one day when Finn realizes that his baby mama is really a big, fat, Puck fucking liar, he’ll dump her and move on to Rachel.   She won’t let him get away with the blank stare and stupid routine.  Even though she’s completely in love with him, once the novelty wears off she’ll demand he cut the shit and get a clue.

Yes, she’s obnoxious, but at least she isn’t as stupid as the others.

Hootttttttt!!  I was so glad when Puck came along because I was beginning to think that all the men in Glee were either gay or as dumb as a lamp post.  I’m not saying that Puck is an Einstein or anything, but at least you can forgive his stupidity because he looks good.

Plus, even though he acts like a ‘tard at times, I hold out hope for him and he does show some promise.  At least he knows how sex works and managed to figure out that he’s the REAL father of bimbo cheerleader’s baby.  Even with just that he’s miles ahead of the rest of them.

I’d settle for seeing him with Rachel too.

I also really like Emma Pillsbury, the guidance counselor.  She’s totally weird with all her phobias and insecurities but she’s sweet, and she is hopelessly in love with Mr. Schuester. 

She never sings, but I don’t think she’s meant to, it would be cute though!

I’m hoping that once he realizes his wife is a tool who is only pretending to be pregnant and he breaks up with her, that he’ll end up with this one.   She’s too honestly and too bad a liar to be able to pull a scam like his current wife is on him, and that’s saying something considering he seems to be totally gullible.

Now, given all of this… no matter how much some of the characters and plots on the show irritate me, there is one thing I love about it.  One thing that will keep me coming back to watch every episode in fear of missing something.

SUE SYLVESTER, BITCHES!!!!!!!!!

I know the photo is huge, she deserves it.  She is the queen of television.  The producers of Glee better hope to GOD she never leaves the show because a lot of us would probably wander off and stop watching if she did.

So, I guess it’s “TO GLEE”, for now.

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If you are like me and grumbled over shows like Lipstick Jungle, Swingtown and Samantha Who? getting cancelled, I might have found something else you might like.   This is mostly for the other expat gals who, like me, have to download everything they want to watch and may not have heard of it.  It’s called Drop Dead Diva and it’s awesome.   The lead actress (playing Jane) is fantastic, Margaret Cho is also in the cast – Hello!  Plus, the hilariously stupid ex-wife of Alan from Two and a Half Men.

Check this out…

It’s possible that I like it and relate because I’m a big girl, but I think everyone will find something to like about this show.  Err… everyone female, I mean!  Perhaps a few males here and there too but I wouldn’t suggest making your husband sit through it.

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Sometimes I think this is more home than even I realize because when I see things like this, I get extremely agitated.  I don’t know if it’s just the pure ignorance that gets to me or the fact that they are generalizing and making this place I call home look like the devil’s playground.  Which it’s NOT.

Someone from Amsterdam made this video in response…

Yeah, The NETHERLANDS is the cesspool, right.  Give me a break… and Americans wonder why people in other cou… well, pretty much the rest of the planet, cannot stand them as a whole?   This is a prime example.  Their government spends all it’s time sticking it’s nose where it doesn’t belong, and their media spends more time judging and making ignorant and idiotic statements about other countries than either of them do worrying about their own problems at home.

Also, it’s not the DUTCH who give Amsterdam a bad name by getting high and acting out of control.   It’s the AMERICAN tourists who do it!!  If you’ve ever lived here or been here for any length of time you’d know that the Dutch hardly, if ever, hang out in the coffee shops in Amsterdam.  They are wall to wall tourists, most of whom are young American males, acting like morons.  The Dutch just walk by them on their way to work or out with friends, shake their head and laugh at those silly Americans.

So, Bill O’Reilly, Fox News and any halfwitted Americans who believe this crap.  FUCK. OFF. AND. DIE.

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Lemme tell ya though, there are some people I am so sick and tired of hearing about.  Like, want to gouge my eyeballs out with a spoon type of sick of it.  Some are because they look weird, others because they act weird and some I can’t really explain but I just know I can’t stand looking at or hearing about them.

A few examples.

Adam Lambert, the latest big thing from American Idol.   This guy is the reason I STOPPED watching American Idol this season.   I mean look at that pic, he looks like a younger, black haired, gay Rod Stewart.   He is SO over the top and sure, he may be able to sing but he’s not THAT good.  He’ll never be a Carrie Underwood or Kelly Clarkson.  

We were talking about it on Facebook one day and I didn’t understand why all these women friends of mine were losing their shit over this guy.   He’s ridiculous!   He’s going to turn out to be one of those Idol contestants that ends up on Celebrity Rehab or Dancing With The Stars, desperately trying to extend their 15 minutes of fame because their singing talent and over the top LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME antics don’t seem to be doing it for them.

Oh, and don’t even get me started on the sexual ambiguity.  I totally believe that it’s a person’s prerogative to keep their private life private.  If he was someone who you could believe for a second that they were straight, fine, keep up the act… but dude, there are like, buttloads (pardon the pun) of photos of you in drag and making out with men on the internet.  The jig is up!

Oh sweet jesus, where to start with this one – Lady Gaga.  Speaking of OVER THE TOP!

I actually like some of her music and hate myself for singing along with her pa-pa-pa-poker face, because after seeing about 3000 photos of her in absurd outfits, loads of which are all tight crotched and legs spread, ugh.  The woman makes my skin crawl.

What’s with the teacups?  Is it that difficult to be original in celebrity world now that she is driven to being the girl with the teacups?  I just want to slap them out of her hands and then cackle in her face while they shatter on the sidewalk.

Also, the makeup, hair, outfits… I really have to wonder if she goes so far with it because she actually has some sort of vision of herself (or really, it would be her stylist, wouldn’t it? She probably pays someone to make her look so absurd), or does she do it to try to hide the fact that without all the garb, she’s rather plain.  I’d even go so far as to say ugly.   In any case, if I never see another photo of her and her little teacups or stupid looking outfits it will be too soon.  Weirdo.

Ok, the next one doesn’t really need much in the way of words, the photos should do it.

Apparently I’m not the only one who feels this way!  When I was looking up a photo of Clay Aiken this was one of the first things that showed up.  Every single time I see him in the tabloids I think of Chucky.  His skin looks like plastic, he seems to always have this evil looking face and ugh, he just makes me shudder.   You know, I have NEVER heard this man sing!  I didn’t see his season of American Idol and after knowing he was on it I refused to watch.  I don’t need to hear him sing, because I’d not be able to hear him through the screaming pain of my eyeballs.

Recently he’s grasped desperately at a bit of air time with his comments about Adam Lambert.  Those two should get together, have a wild night of man sex and then do a remake of the duet “Islands in the Stream” or something.

Oh, and the whole “LOOK AT ME!  I’m out of the closet!” routine.  Dude, everyone knew you were in there.  You weren’t surprising anyone. 

John and Kate Plus 8, the two who bred their way into a TV show.  You’d think that having 8 children would take up enough of your time and limit how much attention you could give each child, let alone working for a TV show on top of it.  Ok so the TV show makes them money which helps them raise the kids, but do they think of the kids?   Who wants to grow up and be remembered as the children of these two morons?

Right now they are in all the papers because apparently John is having an affair and Kate says everyone wants her hair.  She’s right, I want her hair.  I want it badly.   So I can squirt some ketchup on it, toss it on the Trans Canada highway, then watch and laugh as people swerve to avoid the roadkill.  She and Adam Lambert must see the same hair stylist.  As for the affair, who can blame him?  I don’t even watch the show and have never seen them live, but if I was married to someone who is supposedly so controlling, thinks THAT hair looks good, is so delusional that they believe other people want it too, and have popped out eight kids, I’d be banging the teach too.  Poor Kate must be like wiggling a hot dog in an open window by now.

So those are the ones that come to mind right away.  There are others I’m tired of hearing about, mostly because I have no idea who they are and don’t care, like Heidi Montag and that boy of hers, but I can’t be arsed to give them any valuable ranting time.

What do you think of all these idiots?   Are there celebrities you’d wish the earth would open up and swallow too?

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Ok this video is not for kids, nor is it for people who are easily offended.  Just sayin’, don’t say I didn’t warn you!

This is the latest installment from Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg (from The Lonely Island).  You may remember a previous video from these two.  A little ditty called Dick in a Box.

There’s just something hilarious about watching Susan Sarandon getting her grope on with Justin Timberlake haha  It’s so wrong, it’s right.  I love it!

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

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