In an effort to gain self confidence and deal with body image issues still remaining after my weight loss, I decided to take part in a 365 project focusing on self portraits. My hopes are that after a year of taking a photo of myself ever day, that I will stop hating photos of myself, stop picking apart the things I hate about my body and learn to accept myself in a way that I haven’t been able to before. It is uncomfortable, challenging and at times scary as I am also putting myself out there in a way I never have… but sometimes personal growth requires stepping out of your comfort zone. So this is my project, 365 days of Self Portraits…
Week 15 was a bit of a mixed bag. Some days I felt like really getting into my photo of the day, while other days I just let it go with a quick mobile photo. I had a lot going on as we had just come out of two failed cycles of IUI and had finally moved on to IVF (we are still currently in our first cycle of IVF so please don’t ask the outcome as we simply don’t know yet. If the time comes I have something to tell, I will tell). A lot of drugs, hormones, and anxiety were (and still are) taking me over at times and it was a lot to deal with emotionally. I may get around to discussing it in more depth here on the blog, or I may not, I’ve not decided yet as I’m not sure how I feel about being so open about it all anymore. We’ll see…
Anyway, on with the photos!
Day 100 – Choppy Chop!
It took me over 12 years but I finally found a hair stylist in Rotterdam that I like and trust!
You can see a preview of the change here, went shorter! Not crazy short, but a definite change! :)http://instagram.com/p/X7XbQWgyZD/
Day 101 – TICK TOCK
I can take as many photos of myself as I like, but none can ever show the world what is going on inside me right now better than this.
Backstory for new followers, sorry if it is TMI but I think a rather dramatic photo like this deserves an explanation… if I choose to post it, I need to choose to explain it, I think.
My husband and i have been trying to have a child for 13 years. I will be 38 years old next month. I have had 8 failed IUI (intra-uterine insemination) treatments and have had weight loss surgery to lose over 140 lbs to allow me to move on to IVF before it is too late.
We will be beginning our first IVF treatment one week from now. Our future has been uncertain for a very long time and it has been a very long, stressful and painful road for us so far.
So yeah, this is what it would look like if you could look inside of me. My biological clock clicking out of control, my mind a whir of thoughts regarding my situation and just a lot of anxiety and uncertainty.
On the plus side, one way or the other we will be able to finally move on from this before the year is out. So the end of this 365 project will see me moving on to a new life, I guess we all just have to wait and see what life it will be!
This feels so personal, but that’s my project… it’s about my life, accepting the curve balls life throws me and learning to love myself in spite of it all. So, you are all invited along for the ride!
Day 102 – Happy Place
What to do when feeling stressed and anxious? Go to the local electronics store and hang out on their massage chairs… and try not to fall asleep!
Day 103 – Friends
My friend Penny and I before leaving for our friend’s baby shower. We always say we don’t have enough photos of us together so I made her stand in front of the camera (she doesn’t like it there much!) so I could get one! :)
Day 104 – First BBQ!
Who has two tasty thumbs and was so excited that the warm weather has finally reached the Netherlands that she went ahead and piled 3x as much food as she can actually eat on her plate? THIS GIRL!
Day 105 – Blue Skies
Just a simple mobile pic to show a happy moment… sitting on the bus with blue skies shining down on me. Love it!
Day 106 – Ereading
Today I was discussing ereaders with some friends. At the moment I read on my Samsung Galaxy Note, which is a mobile / tablet hybrid. My husband and I have been considering getting ereaders as the battery life of our phones is not great when we use them for reading. We are still unsure, though. One thing we are sure of is that we could never go back to paper books!
(At the moment I am reading Margaret Atwood’s Oryx and Crake)
Weeks 1 & 2: Days 1-14
Week 3: Days 15-21
Week 4: Days 22-28
Week 5: Days 29-35
Week 6: Days 36-42
Week 7: Days 43-49
Week 8: Days 50-56
Week 9: Days 57-63
Week 10: Days 64-70
Week 11: Days 71-78
Week 12: Days 79-85
Week 13: Days 86-92
Week 14: Days 93-99