Stupid Spats

All couples have silly things they disagree or argue about, we are no different. These are things we have bickered about over the years that we can laugh about. Maybe they’ll give you a laugh too!

Movie Drinks
- Repeated
I am thirsty a lot, and I drink a lot. I always have a bottle of water by my side, when I go out to eat I go through multiple glasses of water, and when I go to the movies I am constantly sipping. So, when my husband refuses to get a drink of his own, claiming he’ll just have a few sips of mine – it’s ON. Every time we argue because with him sharing my drink I am not able to ration it to get me through the whole movie. So I end up without something to drink towards the end and then I feel even more thirsty. He says he won’t drink a whole drink of his own because he’ll have to go to the bathroom. I say buy a smaller drink or just don’t finish it, but he refuses to buy one of his own. I can’t stand this and it makes me cranky, which can lead to some pretty funny discussions while waiting for the movie to start.

Birthday Logic
- Repeated beginning May 8, 2009
On my 34th birthday my husband and I had this conversation in regards to whether 34 is almost 35 or almost 40. I was not impressed. He knew I was not impressed. He enjoyed it. I get the feeling we will be having this discussion every year.

Dogs on Grass
- Repeated
When walking the dogs, sometimes I want to take photos of them. Sometimes it happens to be in areas, like parks, where there are signs telling you that you aren’t allowed to walk your dogs there. The signs show a dog POOING, which means don’t let your dogs have a crap here… therefor, I think that means you aren’t allowed to walk your dog there to do it’s dirty business. Which means it’s ok to just let the dog walk there as long as there is no leg lifting or squatting. My husband disagrees and thinks dogs aren’t allowed in there at all, under ANY circumstands, they must never touch a paw to that grass. This leads to arguments. Look here for an example.

Soggy Sandwiches
- Christmas 2007
For years I’ve been trying to get my husband to try hot sandwiches, but he’s refused outright. A hot sandwich, for those of you who don’t eat them (shame!), is two pieces of bread with the meat of your choice (I prefer turkey or chicken) between them, then smothered in gravy. They can be found in most any restaurant in Canada, but before meeting me my husband had never heard of them. He’s made a habit of turning his nose up and calling them ‘Soggy Sandwiches’… until tonight!

The days between Christmas and New Years makes for prime hot sandwich season. This afternoon I told Xander that I’d be making one for myself and he could have a cold sandwich if he wanted. Then she shocked me to my toes and asked for a ’soggy sandwich’ too. I jokingly checked his temperature and he told me he wanted to see what all the hype was about. It only took almost 9 years but I wasn’t about to split hairs.

After making one for him, his opinion was that it was ‘not half bad’. I think that’s his way of saying it’s good, without having to actually say it’s good and by doing so, admit that he was wrong. As men do…

The Fast Sleeper
- Summer 2007
When going to bed one evening my husband told me how fast he slept the night before. When I asked him what he meant we figured out he meant deeply. I said that you can’t say ‘I slept fast’, he disagreed. He said if you couldn’t then they wouldn’t say ‘Fast asleep’. We argued about it but neither of us gave in, so it hasn’t been resolved.

Going For a Boat Sail
- Spring 2007
We saw a yacht one day and I said how nice it would be to go for a ride on one. My husband corrected me stating firmly that one does not RIDE on a yacht, they SAIL on one. I argued that you only sail on a boat that HAS sails, then you are sailing. When you go in a boat with a motor you are riding, hence going for a boat ride and not a ‘boat sail’. He argued that a cruise ship doesn’t have sails and yet it ‘sets sail’ at whatever time. This argument went on for approx 15-20 minutes and was never resolved.

Buying Underwear
- Years ago
About a year after we were married I was flipping through a catalogue. A few days earlier he had mentioned to me that he needed some new underwear, so I casually mentioned that I was going to order some for him. He looked at me like I had two heads, and went off into a lecture about how he is a grown man, he can buy his own underwear!! In fact, he’s going out to buy some right now! On went the shoes and coat and he was out the door before I could argue. About 45 minutes later the phone rang and I was greeted by a rather sheepish husband asking “What size underwear do I wear?”. He still refuses to let me order them.

Napkin Thief
- Repeated
For some reason Xander cannot stop him from taking napkins. I’d be more specific but it just doesn’t matter, if they are there, he’ll take them. If we go somewhere to eat, rather than just taking one or two napkins for us to clean our hands, he’ll grab a wad of 20 and stuff 18 of them in his pocket. “Just in case” is his answer when I ask him why he takes so many. I wonder, just in case what? Just in case I have to pee in a bush on the way home? Just in case he encounters a messy child on the tram and feels an indescribable urge to clean it? Just in case .. What?!! If it’s just in case we someday need all our laundry to come out of the washer covered in little white paper bits, then MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! This really pisses me off to no end. I will check the pockets of his pants but I don’t know where he has been hiding them because it’s rare that I’ll do a wash with his pants in there that it doesn’t come out completely covered in tiny little bits of tissue. Thank god for tumble driers and lint traps. Anyway, I am yet to break him of this habit, and god knows I’ve tried.

The Way to Wipe
- Repeated
For two people who have been married for four years and together 24/7 for the last five, we’ve pretty much seen each other in every possible situation. That includes… number two. Now, you’re probably wondering how two people could argue about something like this. Well we’re also people who are trying to have a child, and will be teaching said child the ways of life. So, what’s the routine? Mine is: Poop, wipe, stand. His is : Poop, stand, wipe. Maybe I’m weird but I thought everyone wiped while just sort of leaning forward on the seat. Standing before wiping just seems… wrong!! I tell him he’s weird, he tells me I’m weird for thinking so. So, which weird will our child be? This remains to be seen..

When to Put in the Mushrooms
- Repeated in the past
Usually Xander leaves me alone while I cook, but sometimes he likes to stick his nose in where it doesn’t belong. One thing that pissed me off most is when he got on my case about when to put in the mushrooms when making pasta. I put them in at the beginning with the meat to give them time to cook and he things that’s too soon and likes to put them in later. This has caused rows in our kitchen when he’s spoken up when I was putting them in early. It usually results in me waving random kitchen utensils at him and warning him about the various appendages he may lose if he doesn’t get the hell out of my kitchen. I listened to him once and put them in later, which caused me to have to cook the pasta sauce twice as long as I would have had to otherwise. Funny though, he didn’t complain about having to wait for dinner.

Earplugs
- Repeated
Ok, I snore. I’m just getting that out of the way. I snore sometimes, not always but I do. I admit it. I am aware of it. I cannot help it! After many evenings of me almost kicking his ass after waking up to him yelling “TAMMY STOP SNORING!!” he finally decided to buy some earplugs. We both thought this was a great idea until one night I got up and was sick and needed him, I had to stumble my way to the bedroom and scream his name to wake him up. This got me to thinking, what if someone broke in and wanted to kill me. They could stab, strangle or beat me to death right next to him and he would be too deep in his earplugged slumber to even notice. I’ve since changed my mind on the greatness of the earplugs, he hasn’t.
Update: See here

Dogs Balls
- Repeated
Since Bailey turned six months old Xander and I have had an ongoing argument about his balls. I want to get him fixed, Xander doesn’t. Now I understand it’s just male instinct to want to preserve all testicles on the planet, but there must be limits. Where I come from it’s just expected that you get your pet fixed when it reaches a certain age unless the dog is meant for breeding or showing. Where he comes from it’s unnecessary and inhumane. The thing is the dog humps ME not him, not to mention his balls are just UGLY and every time he rolls onto his back and spreads his legs looking for a belly rubbed, it’s a traumatic experience for me. They’ve gotta go.

ALMOND vs AMMAND
- August 15, 2004
Actually this argument has gone on much longer than the date I noted. That’s just the most recent time we argued about it. Xander is convinced that Almond is said Ammand rather than how it looks, pronouncing the “L”, which is the way I say it. He’s convinced that it’s said that way and he uses the same argument every time. “Do you say SAL-MON or SAMMAN?!!” You see, he thinks that because Salmon is spelled like that but said like samman that Almond is the same. No matter how much I argue.. he doesn’t get it.

Washing Whites – What Temperature?
- Repeated in the past
“Who is the housewife here?!” That’s what I usually scream just before the profanity starts when Xander tells me I should wash my whites at a lower temperature. Whites = Hot water. Period! I’m pretty sure his thought process goes like: Hot water = Needs Heating = Costs money = Luke warm water. He would actually stealth behind me and change the temperature on the washer! The threat of a laundry strike quickly put a stop to those antics.

Bandana Collar – Cute or Gay?
- Repeated in the past
When we got Bailey I thought there would be nothing cuter than to get one of those little bandana collars to put around his neck. He’s a yorkie, they can wear things like that without looking stupid! It’s not like I was asking to put a pink collar on a doberman or anything. Xander absolutely refused to get it because he said it would make Bailey look gay. I mean, are Yorkies the most masculine looking dogs to start with? He’s my dog too and I want to put something cute on him! Like a true woman I chose my moment wisely, and one day he was in the doghouse I asked about the collar again. Knowing he was in no position to say no to me at that particular time, we got the red bandana collar. Xander loves it of course and think it’s looks adorable.

Do we really NEED a new frying pan?!
- Sometime a few years ago
When I first moved to Holland all we had was what Xander had at his campus. We bought one frying pan at Ikea sometime in 1999 and it was the only one we had for a long time. One day after we moved into our new apartment I decided I wanted a new one. I think I caught Xander in a scrooge moment because his reply was “Do we really NEED a new frying pan?”. One was enough for him and he doesn’t really understand a woman’s need for our own power tools (Kitchen appliances). This caused me to go off my rocker, as I thought the question was completely unnecessary and I should be able to buy a damn frying pan if I want to. I gave up after arguing with him for a while and we didn’t end up going. The next week the handle fell off our old frying pan and I gloated all the way to the mall.

The Balcony Door
- Repeated
I hate anything that flies or buzzes, and they hate me. Therefore, I like the screen door to the kitchen balcony closed. Xander, on the other hand, doesn’t get bitten and likes to leave it open because… I don’t know why. I close it, I come back and it’s open again. This frustrates me.

Monty Python
- Repeated
He loves it, I hate it. He keeps hoping that great amounts of exposure will make me learn to love it. It just makes me hate it more.

Socks and shorts
- Resolved June 28, 2005
He thinks there’s nothing wrong with this combination, I think it’s reserved for men over the age of 75. What makes it worse is that 95% of the socks he owns are woolen. This issue was finally resolved in 2005 when he finally broke down and bought some sandles, after years of me trying to get him to. You can read about that spat here.